For me: Mustard yes, milkshake no. French fries are as much a delivery method for toppings and condiments as anything. Sure, they can be delicious on their own, but that’s because they’re delivering oil and salt even when they’re not dipped in anything. I happen to prefer thinner, crispier french fries. I’m not here for the potatoes, folks.

Anyway, I love mustard and if a french fry is the most convenient available method for getting mustard in me, well then hell yes. I like milkshakes too, but I tend to distinguish my meals from my desserts. Blurring that line seems weird to me. So I don’t drink milkshakes with dinner either. Dinner then milkshake.

Great question, and I hate to cop out but I don’t know if I could pick just one. Off the top of my head, Hall of Famers from Di Palo Dairy and Cafe Ollin stand out, though I’m not sure I’ve been entirely consistent with my ratings. Also, there are plenty of times when it seems I want nothing more than a standard Shackburger from Shake Shack. Usually those times are when I’m walking past Shake Shack. It’s the smell of them that gets me. Do they have a Sbarro machine churning out the smell or something? Also, do people who work there get sick of the smell?

Not as much as I probably should. I’ve heard of the cheeseburger/chicken mash-up of which you speak. Is it not too big to bite? I’d certainly try it.

The only place where I’ve had any luck experimenting with off-menu food items is at Taco Bell, some details of which I covered here. I’ve since also had a Cheesy Gordita Volcano Taco Crunch, which was good but not appreciably better than the sum of its parts. What I’d really like is about two unsupervised hours in the Taco Bell test kitchen to see what I could come up with. I’d probably want to bring a couple friends and my dad along too, creative and dedicated Taco Bell eaters.

I certainly could. Despite how it may seem from the sandwich reviews here, I don’t typically eat pork more than once or twice a week and I almost never eat shellfish. I do like putting cheese on meats, but I could certainly do without it for a week if I had to. I don’t know why I would, though, since I’m not Jewish. No offense to anyone who keeps Kosher, of course, but then I’m not sure why anyone would be offended by my lack of Judaism. I just feel like whenever you bring up religion you need to say, “no offense” to cover your bases. So really, no one take offense to anything here. I just happen to love pork.

I’ve got enough willpower that I’m confident I could do just about anything for a week. Vegan? Sure. It wouldn’t be my favorite week, but I could do it. Hell, I imagine I could fast for a week if I absolutely had to for some reason.