It’s pathetic, I know. But it’s Thursday already, I hadn’t eaten any notable sandwiches yet this week, and I figured a bunch of people are going to have a bunch of hard-boiled eggs they need to get rid of once Easter’s over. Making egg salad from Easter eggs is fun because you get little colorful highlights in there from where the dye seeps through the eggshell.

A much better version of spicy egg salad can be made with the incredible green sauce from Pio Pio, the world’s greatest condiment. Sadly, I did not have any handy this morning when I decided I should come up with a sandwich to share here.

Egg-salad traditionalists might balk at both the notion of adding some hot sauce and also serving egg salad with bacon, but luckily I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’d call themselves an “egg-salad traditionalist.” Egg salad and bacon is a go-to order for me at bagel places, and since hot sauce clearly belongs on a fried or scrambled egg sandwich, I don’t see why it should be out of place in egg salad.

The sandwich: Sriracha egg salad and bacon on whole-wheat toast.

The construction: I started by boiling eggs, obviously. I do it fairly frequently and I’ve gotten pretty good at it, and I know it’s a source of frustration for some people, so I’ll share my method here. It goes:

1. Put eggs in a pot of warm water, cover.
2. Bring water to a boil over high heat.
3. As soon as the water starts boiling, turn off the stove and set a timer for 11 minutes.
4. After 11 minutes, pour out hot water and run eggs under cold water.

I’ve never successfully soft-boiled an egg. But usually the above method leads to appropriately hard-boiled eggs that do not crack during the boiling process. If you’ve got a technique you prefer, by all means, go to town.

“Sriracha egg salad” is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. I shelled a couple of hard-boiled eggs, smashed ’em up in a bowl with some mayo, then mixed in a healthy squirt of sriracha. This is something I make with some frequency. In this particular instance, I tried to further gussy up my egg salad by including some relish, but that was a mistake. I wanted some sweetness to balance the saltiness of the bacon and the spiciness of the sriracha, but I failed to consider that sriracha is also low-key sweet.

Bacon is bacon, and toast is toast.

Important background information: Hey! If you’re going to have a bunch of hard-boiled eggs around because of Easter, why not adopt a Berg family Easter tradition this year? Growing up, we often expressed our love by viciously trying to dominate each other in any form of competition, and the annual dying of Easter eggs was exciting for everyone because it meant the start of egg-fight season.

To have an egg fight, start with both competitors choosing an egg from the basket of Easter eggs. There’s a strategy to selecting the best egg for an egg fight, but I’m not going to share it with you because my family reads this and I can’t have them knowing my methods. It is generally considered poor form to choose one of the beautiful eggs my artsy-ass dad spent lots of time on, but eventually it’s going to come to that.

From there, it’s pretty simple: Keeping their elbows on the table, both competitors hold their eggs between their thumbs and index fingers, with the pointiest part of the egg facing outward. Whoever first cracks the other person’s egg without their own egg cracking is the winner. Then you eat the eggs.

Apparently this practice dates back to medieval times, so I’m sure mine isn’t the only family that does this. It’s fun!

What it looks like: 

How it tastes: Fine.

I don’t know what to tell you. Have you been to a New York City supermarket lately? Weird scene right now, and it really doesn’t feel like the time to be idling around the aisles looking for fun ingredients for interesting sandwiches. I’m trying to make the best of what I’ve got.

I’m certain I can make more of it than this, though. I do believe it’s an upgrade over a traditional egg-salad sandwich, if only because the bacon adds textural diversity and amazing bacon flavor. And I do think the incorporation of sriracha improves the egg salad, though — again — I should not have tried using relish, because it added a sugary sweetness that felt out of place, especially at breakfast time.

Also — and you can’t really tell this from the photos above — my kid needed my attention while the bread was in the toaster oven and I let it get past the optimal, golden-brown toastiness, which sort of negated the crunch of the bacon.

Hall of fame? C’mon. Look at that thing. No.