I joined Andrew and Greg of the Rockies blog Purple Row on the Purple Row Radio this week to talk about baseball and Taco Bell and stuff. Hear me ramble!
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Category Archives: Other Baseball
Hensley Meulens is going to space
Yeah, you read that right. He also speaks five languages. Excellent read. Via Chris Wilcox.
Man with sweet beard wins PGA event
Our man Rob points out that Lucas Glover, winner of the Fargo Classic on Sunday, has a pretty awesome beard:
I almost never watch golf. I have no doubt that it requires a ton of skill to golf at a professional level because I’ve golfed myself and I can’t even make the damn ball go in the air. But there’s very little about the sport that makes me want to watch it in its televised form.
I think my main issue is that no one’s playing defense. Basically you’re just watching to see who hits the ball the best, and if someone’s playing really well the other golfers can’t intentionally walk him or double team him or anything.
I remember the first time I golfed, we all hit our first drives and I was like, “OK so when do we tackle each other?” and one of the other dudes was all, “no, we don’t tackle each other.” So I said, “oh so we’re playing two-hand touch golf then? I guess that’s cool…” but then that guy explained that you basically just hit your ball then go find your ball then hit it again then go find it again.
A lot of my issues with golf were actually solved by Jackie Mason in the movie Caddyshack 2. I know that film is widely panned for not having Rodney Dangerfield or Bill Murray and for not being Caddyshack 1, but it made a lot of good points about improving the sport by adding large-scale mini-golf obstacles and incorporating Randy Quaid as a golf/hockey defender. Really inspired stuff.
I, for one, think all sports could stand to look in the mirror and consider the ways in which they could improve by involving Randy Quaid. I know we think baseball is damn near perfect, but with MLB reportedly thinking about an expanded postseason, maybe it’s time our national pastime finally allow teams to use Randy Quaid once per playoff game. Teams in the field could set up Randy Quaid in the batter’s box across from the one the hitter is standing in and he could do all sorts of distracting things.
It might be dangerous, especially with maple bats. But he could wear a helmet, and there’s only one October.
Guest post: All-knowing Twitter funnyguy
I have a busy morning today so I’m turning this Mets-Dodgers preview over to a popular and very well-informed Twitter comedian. I’m not a huge fan of this guy’s stuff really, but he’s got like a billion followers so maybe you’ll enjoy it.
The Dodgers head to Citi Field tonight to face the Mets, and the way these two clubs are going, it’ll be the first time Ramen noodles have ever been served in the owner’s box! I mean these guys should be glad those luxury-suite couches are so cushy, because they might be able to scrounge up some extra quarters.
Mets owner Fred Wilpon won’t pass up the opportunity to see his beloved Dodgers in action, meaning he’ll have to cancel his original plans for the weekend: Trying to sell Carlos Beltran on Antiques Roadshow! GET IT BECAUSE HE’S OLD!
This is the first time the Dodgers will face the Mets since being taken over by the commissioner’s office, but the Mets have been secretly run by Bud Selig for years. And what’s more, Selig has urged both clubs to part ways with the accounting firm they both use: MC Hammer and Associates!
Worse yet for these teams, due to their financial woes they’re not only forcing 83-year-old Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully to travel east for the series, but making him serve on the grounds crew as well. Why? So I can make this joke: If it rains, he’ll have to pull out the… wait for it… wait for it… TARP!
Of course, things aren’t all bad for the Mets these days. Reports say they’re close to selling part of the team to hedge-fund manager Steve Cohen. The joke’s on Cohen, too: He doesn’t know the part they’re selling him is Oliver Perez. WHO CARES THAT HE’S NOT ON THE TEAM ANYMORE IT WORKS BECAUSE HE’S SO BAD AT PITCHING DO NOT DOUBT ME I HAVE 40,000 FOLLOWERS!
Dodgers owner Frank McCourt seemed a bit put off by the coin-operated visitors’ batting cages and the three-card monty games that have replaced the Jumbotron cap shuffle, but said he is confident the Dodgers will remain financially solvent.
“As long as we employ Fernando Valenzuela, we’re too big to fail,” he said.
“Take me wife,” he added. “Please.”
Revolutionary mustache emerges
Marlins farmhand Kevin Mattison is apparently going with a multi-pronged handlebar mustache. Via Brendon.
Confluence of awesomeness
True SABR Bill James will appear on the Colbert Report tonight.
Youk got what I need
I don’t like to give Red Sox fans a lot of credit, but this is pretty awesome:
Reminder: Tim Lincecum claims this man is not in fact Tim Lincecum
Well that’s kind of awesome
Excellent. I mean, why not?
Oh my
Now look, please don’t take this as a defense of Roger McDowell. I figure there’s at least some gray area involved and I seriously doubt the Giants fans were completely innocent in the situation, but there’s no place for homophobic slurs at a ballpark or anywhere.
But this video is, well… I don’t even know. It might as well have been produced by The Onion. This man should not have subjected these children to all these lewd acts, which we will now reenact in front of the very same children. It’s going to take a neat trick to convince me that this isn’t more scarring for those little girls than anything McDowell might have said.
I mean, seriously?
“The art of fiction is dead. Reality has strangled invention.”
Tedquarters 