The deepening marriage of athleticism and artistry is changing synchronized swimming, an obscure Olympic sport that was memorably satirized in a 1984 “Saturday Night Live” sketch. “Le Rêve” and USA Synchro, the sport’s national governing body, have a sponsorship agreement “to combine resources,” said Sandra Mahoney, the national team director. The show, which opened in 2005, will support USA Synchro financially, as well as assist with choreography and acrobatic training for the athletes.

“They, in turn, will be able to build our talent for the Olympics so that they have talent down the line,” Mahoney said….

“It’s a contact sport now,” she added. “So they can’t ridicule us anymore.”

– Kim Palchikoff, N.Y. Times.

No matter what anyone says, I will continue to ridicule the “sport” of synchronized swimming. It is ridiculous.

And of course I recognize that it requires an absolute ton of talent, athleticism and grace — like way more than I could ever hope to have. Clearly it’s a difficult thing to endeavor, trying to synch up so many intricate motions so precisely with your teammates and the music, all while working to stay afloat.

But to me, anything that is judged on wholly subjective criteria should not count as a sport. I want a clear winner, whether it’s the person who wins the race or the team that outscores its opponent. And I realize that there are plenty of reasonably subjective decisions made by referees in football and everything, but whatever. Shut up. Stop picking nits.

Back in the WCSN.com days, we covered a ton of silly sports, but none quite as silly as synchronized swimming (though Tom Boorstein argues it’s rhythmic gymnastics). There would be times when my only duty was to monitor the video stream to make sure it was operating properly, which meant I’d be sitting in a reasonably bustling office setting getting paid to sit there and watch synchronized swimming. And I giggled throughout.

It’s just a silly thing to watch. I can’t really explain it except to say that it vaguely resembles something you might see at Sea World, only with humans instead of porpoises. Also, I’ve never been to Sea World.

I defy you to watch this and not chuckle: