I’ll be calling in to the New York Sports Power Hour on WHRW in Binghamton at 5:30 this evening to discuss the Mets and Jets and everything else that comes up. You can listen here.
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Efforts: Recognized
The Minor Leaguers Tweeting About Chipotle tumblr slowed down a little while I was in Port St. Lucie and didn’t have as much time to track Minor Leaguer Chipotle Tweets, but I’ve been a bit more vigilant with it of late.
Over at the Daily Dot, Chase Hoffberger wrote an article about the Minor Leaguers Tweeting About Chipotle tumblr, which is very flattering and dizzyingly postmodern (or something). Check it out.
Now we all Tebow?
I don’t even know what to do with this. Regular readers will remember that I came to like Tim Tebow late last season, but mostly because I’m a massive troll and everyone else hated him. Now that he’s a Jet… man. Man.
Presumably he’s there to run the Wildcat (or whatever the Jets call their version of it). This will only get awful when Mark Sanchez has his first bad game and everyone goes something something. At least it’s not Brett Favre.
I think I need a little more time on this one. Luckily we have until September. For now, point:
Counterpoint:
Spring Training events are meaningful when I’m happy with the outcome
Last night, Lucas Duda took a 97 mph Stephen Strasburg fastball over the left-field fence in Digital Domain Park, an opposite-field home run. It looked like this.
Life after this
A comment on the recent ski-gate-to-the-groin video reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to address. On the Jan. 23, 2012 episode of Family Feud, this happened:
“His schlong.” They asked 100 people to name something an airline pilot might be holding during a long flight, and three of them said his schlong.
When someone sent me the link, I figured that response was an incorrect answer from a contestant, a blooper worthy of a few giggles and raised eyebrows to be filed away with the thousands of other silly things that have been said by anxious Americans under the pressure of hot lights and enthusiastic studio audiences.
But no. This was a correct answer, something premeditated and legitimized with a graphic, something neither the Thompsons nor the Browns were quite crude enough to conjure up: “His schlong.”
So either: 1) Three Family Feud-surveyed people said that an airline pilot might be holding his reproductive organ during a long flight, and the Family Feud producers met and discussed it and had an actual conversation to determine that the best choice of words to summarize those responses would be “his schlong” or, better yet, 2) three Family Feud-surveyed people, when asked to name something an airline pilot might be holding during a long flight, answered, explicitly, “his schlong.”
And of course the well-trained audience underscores and elevates the absurdity, shouting it out like oblivious participants in some massive Pavlovian prank: The bell rings, the sign flips, you read.
Bing! “HIS SCHLONG!”
Steve Harvey makes a silly face and grabs the opportunity to toss out a few punchlines, another day at the office for the host of Family Feud. The Thompsons seem a little disappointed that they did not think of the airline pilot’s schlong.
The only person involved who appears to truly grasp the gravity of the moment is Ms. Marion Brown, who looks crushed — so absolutely scandalized by the answer that she would happily turn the points back over to the Thompsons and forfeit the game altogether just to be able to go back to living in a world where “his schlong” had never been a correct answer on Family Feud.
But alas, we power forward. You, me, Marion Brown, the Thompsons, Steve Harvey, we carry on now, embarrassed or liberated or disgusted or rejuvenated but undoubtedly forever altered in some way by the revelation. We’re here now, about to enter our third month of life after “his schlong” was a correct answer on Family Feud.
What hath Richard Dawson wrought?
Nonsense overwhelming
But then that’s not exactly breaking news, is it?
– Andres Torres left last night’s Spring Training game with a strained calf. He said he thinks he’ll only be out a couple of days, but a) that’s what they all say and b) it has been like two or three days since a full-fledged Mets-fan freakout so people were getting antsy.
In Torres’ absence, Terry Collins will try Jason Bay and Jordany Valdespin in center along with Adam Loewen and Mike Baxter, who have already been working there. Bay apparently volunteered for the tryout, which is great and all, but actually using him in center field in meaningful games is a terrible idea. Also, if you’re using Bay in center, who is it that’s playing left field and isn’t better at center than Jason Bay?
As for Valdespin, I was ready to pooh-pooh the idea based on the 32 errors he made in 98 games at shortstop last year, which I mentioned yesterday. But then I remembered that BJ Upton was once an error-prone Minor League shortstop too and is now a pretty good Major League center fielder. Obviously the two cases are very different for a variety of reasons, but if the Mets want to move Valdespin off shortstop and feel he has the athleticism for center, it doesn’t seem like it can hurt to try. It’s pretty late in the game to expect him to play there in the Majors by Opening Day, though, especially since he hasn’t yet done anything to suggest he’s a Major League hitter.
– The Jets told the Daily News that they’re “players in the Tebow race.” But really aren’t we all in some way players in the Tebow race?
I don’t even know that it’s a bad idea from a football standpoint. Tebow can’t really throw, but obviously he’s got some value running the option as a change of pace. Hard to say if it’ll be worth whatever he gets paid, since — as voice of reason Antonio Cromartie pointed out — Jeremy Kerley and Joe McKnight can run the team’s Wildcat offense, too.
But Tebow’s fantastic for web traffic, so there is that to consider.
– The Post reports that Tim Tebow likes some beautiful woman I had never heard of before who is reportedly involved in an on-and-off relationship with some presumably beautiful dude I had never heard of before. The Post reports on this like it’s sports, which is hilarious: “The split leaves the door open for Tebow to nab Agron.”
Nab!
Also, if this woman has really ditched her man and is now open for Tebow, look for him to make a wobbly pass that falls seven yards short of her or just pump fake in her general direction and take off running.
Twitter Q&A, pt. 2: The randos
OK, good question. At home I’m a mustard man; there are currently four or five varieties of mustard in my fridge and before I moved I had upwards of seven. I’ll assume for the purposes of this conversation we’re also excluding honey mustard as form of mustard, plus Russian dressing*, Dijonnaise, mustardmayotardayonnaise and any other sauce formed by combining two or more of mustard, mayo and ketchup.
Obviously it depends on the sandwich: My favorite condiment isn’t always my favorite condiment for the sandwich I’m making. And there are things like tomato sauce which when on a chicken-parm hero are clearly condiments but probably aren’t what you’re looking for here so I will exclude.
Off the top of my head, I’m going to go with
3. Sriracha: Fiery hot but still sweet with an awesome distinctive flavor that goes well with tons of things. I put it on sandwiches and most other things.
2. Oil and balsamic vinegar: Is that technically two condiments? Whatever, I don’t care, I make the rules around here bro. The oil keeps things moist and the vinegar adds a ton of taste. My go-to for every non-parm Italian sandwich. The only downside is it doesn’t travel well.
1. The green sauce from Pio Pio: What is that stuff? I don’t know but everything about it is amazing. Go to Pio Pio and take some food home. Make sure they pack up the green sauce too. Then use the green sauce to make a sandwich. It can be a boring-ass turkey sandwich on white bread with no cheese, but you pour some of that green sauce on there and you’ve got an incredible sandwich. I wish they would just sell bottles of the stuff to carry out and/or drink right there on the street corner.
It’s tough to honor lifetime achievement in comedy because so few people keep churning out funny movies for more than a decade or so. Also, if we’re talking just movies here, it’s important to distinguish all four of those guys from their standup and/or Saturday Night Live work. But then I guess most of Eddie Murphy’s standup stuff that I’m familiar with is from Raw and Delirious, which were movies, so… I don’t know how to handle that.
I’m pretty sure the answer is either Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson or Bill Murray, Bill Murray, Bill Murray and Bill Murray.
I’d go so far as to argue Bill Murray should be on the regular Mount Rushmore but I don’t think it’s fair to include him in such ignoble company.
No, I hadn’t! That link’s not going to work. It’s here. The sandwich looks like this:
Here’s the description:
The Moby Dick features a 15-inch sesame-seed hoagie roll, five quarter-pound fish filets, eight slices of cheese, six ounces of clam strips, one-third pound of French fries, one cup of cole slaw, all topped off by gobs of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and tartar sauce — all for only $20.
The final product weighs in at over three pounds and feeds two fans uncomfortably or four fans comfortably. The sandwich, with over 4,000 calories and a diet-killing 200 grams of fat, will be available in select locations throughout Classic Park at all Captains home games.
Never change, Minor League Baseball.
But football in the groin had a football in the groin
I’m sure I’ve posted this before but it came up today and I figured I’d share it again. At once the most hilarious and agonizing highlight in the history of the now-defunct WCSN.com. This poor guy:
Twitter Q&A, pt. 1: Mets stuff
Busy morning, Twitter Q&A.
The Mets themselves, or Mets fans?
I’m obviously not in the players’ heads, but if I had to guess I’d say the off-field stuff surrounding the franchise weighs on them less than it weighs on us on a day to day basis.
They’re conscious of it, I’m sure, because they’re asked about it with some frequency and they’re not morons. But playing baseball professionally requires a ton of focus and it is always in every player’s best interest to perform as well as he possibly can. And I can’t imagine it behooves any outfielder chasing down a fly ball to be thinking, “What does this settlement mean for the future of the franchise? Did the Wilpons act in good faith? Why is it so difficult to find informed coverage of this stuff that doesn’t seem like it has some agenda attached?” Most likely, he should be and is thinking, “There’s the baseball! Go get the baseball!”Or something along those lines.
Which is to say that it probably doesn’t affect the Mets’ actual focus on baseball, since they’re baseball players and focusing on baseball is just what they do. I hope that makes sense.
As for Mets fans, I’d guess the focus shifts more toward baseball once the baseball gets a little better. No one wants to believe it, but winning heals wounds and ends boycotts and shortens memories and everything else.
I saw a comment at Amazin’ Avenue earlier this offseason and I can’t find it now, but the commenter perfectly outlined what I’m hoping for from this season. He or she said he hoped that by the end of the year, we could squint and see what the Mets’ next good team looks like, and so by then we spend more time talking about that then talking about everything else. And that would be sweet.
A bunch of reasons.
First off, what’s wrong with Tejada? He has been banged up this last week, sure, but assuming he’s healthy by Opening Day, he’s a 22-year-old shortstop who managed a .360 on-base percentage in the Majors last year. He doesn’t look like he’ll ever hit for much power, but decent-fielding young shortstops who get on base aren’t exactly growing from the mangroves.
Valdespin is two years older than Tejada, hasn’t yet had offensive success above Double-A and has been hampered by discipline problems on and off the field. In Spring Training alone he has twice been called for batter interference. In 2010 he was caught stealing more than he walked. Last year he made 32 errors in 98 games at shortstop.
Valdespin appears to have a ton of natural talent but he’s just nowhere near as polished a player as Tejada right now. Valdespin’s exciting because he’s hitting well in the Grapefruit League and he’s an unknown, but if I had to bet on one of the two enjoying long-term Major League success, I’d take Tejada and it’s not even close.
Also, for what it’s worth, the Mets seem to be working Valdespin at second base more than shortstop this spring. He has played 52 1/3 innings at the keystone and only nine at short in Grapefruit League action.
I suppose, but I don’t think it’s likely. Everything I heard in Port St. Lucie suggested Parnell is going to make the team. Plenty can change between now and Opening Day obviously, but unless something does before I get around to doing my annual bullpen odds report, I’m going to have Parnell as a better-than-even-money favorite for one of the open spots at the back end of the staff.
But yeah, I guess there are various currently hypothetical scenarios wherein Parnell winds up starting the year in Buffalo in the name of roster flexibility — maybe they want to carry two lefties, say, or Chris Schwinden looks dominant in camp and they want to keep two long men to have ample options for giving Johan Santana rest. Again, neither seems likely right now, but since Parnell has options he’s probably the first to go if anything happens.
It sounds like the Mets want to keep Miguel Batista around — they’ll have to pay him a bonus and give him a June 1 opt-out clause to send him to Triple-A — and they’re probably going to add at least one left-handed bat for the bench, so there are roster machinations yet to be undertaken.
Checking in with Patrick Flood
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Tedquarters 