Iman Shumpert has incredible hair

In news this site has ignored for far too long, injured Knicks guard Iman Shumpert has incredible hair. You may have spotted him on the Knicks’ bench this season wearing a suit and a high-top fade. I can’t find a great picture of him on the sideline, but this self-portrait from Shumpert’s Instagram will suffice. Apparently he was heading to an 80s party:

Here's what Iman Shumpert looks like.

He’s also responsible for this music video, which features him using sneakers as a phone and a hat, wearing a backwards Carmelo Anthony jersey, and spending paper at the Muni-Meter:

Rocky das Musical in production

Recruited by a very determined Sylvester Stallone, the original Rocky himself, Mr. Flaherty and his collaborators never tried to go the fashionable route of a winking sendup, like the musical “Xanadu.” But the chilly reception from Broadway backers knocked out “Rocky” until, the lyricist Lynn Ahrens said, “these crazy German people showed up.”

They were executives from Stage Entertainment, the leading European presenter of musical spectacles like “The Lion King” “Mamma Mia!” and “Tarzan.” And they came eager to grow their multimillion-dollar empire — which specializes in retrofitting Broadway musicals (even flops) for audiences in Hamburg, Madrid, Paris and elsewhere into their native languages — and to develop more shows on their own. If “Rocky the Musical” struck some as the dumbest movie-to-musical yet, following recent Broadway flops like “Ghost” and “Leap of Faith,” “Rocky das Musical” held promise as the sort of testosterone-fueled event that can whip German audiences into a lather….

Whether Broadway-caliber tastemakers will emerge along the red-light district of the Reeperbahn here, where “Rocky” is playing across from sex-and-kino parlors, is among the questions facing the show.

Patrick Healy, N.Y. Times.

I could have excerpted basically any paragraph in the article. Click through and read it.

It sounds like the Rocky musical might actually be good, which is the most hilarious possible turn of events. I hope they bring it to Broadway and it kills, not just for the tourist crowd but for the snobby old Broadway lot that has been reeling since Sunday in the Park with George closed. And I’m obviously rooting for them to call it “Rocky das Musical” even when it’s produced in English, because it sounds both way sillier and way artsier that way.

Of the German production, Sylvester Stallone says: “All I understand is when Rocky says ‘Yo.'” In that way, his experience watching the German musical of Rocky is pretty similar to everyone else’s while watching Stallone in the original Rocky.

Via Meredith.

Mr. Moody Met

I don’t know how I’ve missed this until now, but thanks to Michael Donato for the heads up: This Tumblr posts a different image of Mr. Met every day to reflect the illustrator’s mood or something that happened to him. I’ve spent the last half hour working my way through the archives. It’s pretty awesome, though some of them may be disturbing for small children sensitive to Mr. Met’s brand identity or whatever.

From Mr. Moody Met on Tumblr.

 

 

Louis CK on meeting Luis Tiant

At Vanity Fair, Louis CK fills out a questionnaire covering a broad range of topics. It’s predictably pretty funny, with language (also predictably) NSFW. Of note: When asked to name “when and where [he] was happiest,” he says:

I got Luis Tiant’s autograph at a paint store when I was nine years old. Some local paint store hired him to sit at a table for a day and autograph these leaflets advertising their special prices on paints. He looked miserable. I remember thinking, This is the best moment of my entire life and the worst moment of his. Luis Tiant was a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, by the way.

I would pay a whole lot of money to hear Louis CK do color commentary for a baseball broadcast, FWIW.

Private investigator

Friend of TedQuarters and N.Y. Times Giants beat writer Sam Borden uncovers a shocking truth: NFL players do not typically wear cups.

It actually makes some sense. For whatever reason, shots to the groin are not common in football. I wore a cup for my first week of pee-wee football in 3rd grade, then never again in 10 years.

But this much I know is true: If you’re playing lacrosse, you should definitely, definitely wear a cup. And for most of my short lacrosse career, I always did. But in the winter between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, the head coach decided I should learn to play goalie. I used to show up to school at 6 a.m. so he could walk me through various goalie techniques in the school gym at part speed. Since they were never full contact and because I always had a full day of school ahead of me, I never wore a cup. It didn’t seem like I was in any danger.

Then one time, the coach decided I was ready to block some whip shots to show off what I had learned. He had the assistant coach come with a video camera so we could watch film of my form afterward. I was 15, and apparently too shy to admit I went to a lacrosse practice — even a before-school, slow-speed practice — without a cup. And it turns out lacrosse balls spinning on gym floors can bounce at unpredictable angles.

Long story short: Soul-shaking pain. And to make matters worse, it was all on tape, so all the coaches had a hearty laugh at me collapsed on the gym floor in pain. It’s probably still out there somewhere, circulating in the phys ed department of my high school, just waiting for someone who knows how to upload VHS tapes to YouTube. I think I’m ready to laugh about it now.

Ichiro has nothing on Tsuyoshi Shinjo except about 2,500 Major League hits

Over at Hardball Talk, Craig Calcaterra passes along video of Ichiro pitching in an NPB All-Star Game in 1996. It’s incredibly impressive, but Ichiro’s got nothing on Tsuyoshi Shinjo.

This is apparently from a pre-game ceremony after Shinjo retired and not actual game action, though anyone who speaks Japanese is welcome to chime in with more details. Most importantly, Shinjo’s uniform number is just a picture of his face. Also, he’s wearing an amazing glove:

TIP: If you’re ever bored at work and there’s not enough on TedQuarters to satisfy you, check out some of the commercials Shinjo has starred in. Actually, just subscribe to YouTube’s Tsuyoshi Shinjo channel. CAMEO APPEARANCE: Benny Agbayani.

Two things that happened in baseball this weekend that vaguely pertain to the Mets

In case you missed it, this weekend featured more hot-stove action than the entire span of the Winter Meetings. And the two biggest weekend headlines at least vaguely pertain to the Mets.

Here's what Zack Greinke looks like. First, the Dodgers signed Zack Greinke to a six-year, $147 million contract. Greinke’s a very nice pitcher, but outside of his outstanding 2009 campaign he has hardly pitched like an ace. He routinely posts great rate stats, but his 106 ERA+ over the last three seasons is barely above league average. At 29, he’s reasonably young by free agent standards, and now, thanks to the Dodgers’ absurd new spending habits, he’s extraordinarily rich by every standard.

Based on results alone, Greinke actually pitched a bit like Jon Niese in 2012. The pitchers finished with similar rates in ERA+, WHIP, ground-ball percentage, hits per nine, walks per nine and home runs per nine. Greinke struck out more batters and threw 22 more innings, both of which are important. And Greinke comes with a much stronger resume, since 2012 was by far Niese’s best season to date. But since Greinke will earn as much in 2014 alone as Niese will for the next four seasons, his payday makes the Mets’ contract for the young lefty look like even more of a steal.

Of course, the Dodgers now seem to be operating like the Yankees did in the latter half of the last decade, so it’s not necessarily reasonable to compare the money they’re willing to pay for players to the money other teams should be paying for players. With $115 million already on L.A.’s books for 2017 (!), Greinke’s massive salary looks only like a large drop in a inconceivably huge bucket.

Still, if it sets any sort of precedent for player value in the TV-contract era, it seems to bode well for the Mets in the short term. Assuming Greinke’s contract does not exist in a vacuum, it makes signing R.A. Dickey at even the most expensive rumored terms look like striking oil (presumably with a hard knuckleball that flummoxed a catcher and drilled itself into the ground somewhere). And it means Dickey at his current $5-million rate for 2013 may present even more value to a trade partner than we previously expected.

Speaking of: The second big baseball thing that happened this weekend was a trade between the Royals and Rays. The Rays sent pitchers James Shields and Wade Davis to Kansas City for prospects Wil Myers, Jake Odorizzi, Mike Montgomery and Patrick Leonard.

Myers you presumably know about by now: He’s baseball’s top hitting prospect and was the Royals’ best trade chip in their hunt to upgrade their starting rotation. Shields and Davis should do that, to varying degrees. Shields is a very good pitcher who has thrown at least 200 innings in every full season he has pitched in the Majors, and comes to the Royals on a one-year deal worth $9 million with a $12 million option for 2014. Davis excelled out of the Rays’ bullpen in 2012, but pitched more or less like Mike Pelfrey as a starter in 2010 and 2011. He’s only 27 and he’s signed for the next two seasons for $7.6 million total, with escalating options on his contract that run through 2017.

Shields and Davis look to become the Royals’ best and fourth-best starters, respectively, and push from Kansas City’s rotation some of the dreck they started in 2012. If we can attribute any reason to the front office that gave Jeff Francoeur a three-year contract, it looks like the Royals have identified 2013 and 2014 as a window to contend and sacrificed some part of their future to do so.

But on paper, the cost looks huge. In addition to Myers, the Royals sent the Rays two of their best-regarded and nearest to ready pitching prospects in Odorizzi and Montgomery. Odorizzi entered 2012 as Baseball America’s No. 68 prospect and pitched well in Double- and Triple-A. Montgomery, a lefty, entered 2012 as BA’s No. 23 prospect but struggled throughout the year. Both will be 23 on Opening Day, and both will join the Rays’ consistently obscene arsenal of highly regarded starting-pitching prospects, the strength that allowed them to deal Shields.

It’s hard to figure how the Royals value Shields vis a vis R.A. Dickey. Shields is younger and nearly as good with a longer history of big-league success and an extra year of team control, but will be more expensive in the near term. But, again, the huge cost in prospects the Royals were willing to part with for Shields seems to speak well of what the Mets’ could seek in return for Dickey, should they decide to trade the knuckleballer.

So what do you think?

Friday Q&A, pt. 2: Food stuff and randos

Via email, Carl writes:

Ted, I just ate a sandwich where the bread was too hard and all the softer stuff inside the sandwich squeezed out to  the sides every time I took a bite. It kinda ruined the sandwich for me. Do you know of any ways to stop this from happening so an otherwise good sandwich doesn’t lose its sandwichy goodness?

I’d have to see the bread to know if this will work, but you can try “scooping it out,” the common carb-cutting technique. If the crust is strong enough to hold up, pulling out some of the bready middle should create open spaces to contain the sandwich stuff, allowing it to essentially replace the part of the roll you’ve removed rather than trying to crush it between two sides of a roll.

Also, I don’t know what you’ve got inside the sandwich, but maybe try piling all the ingredients on one half, topping it with cheese, and toasting it in a toaster oven for a minute to let the cheese melt and act to bind the rest of the sandwich stuff.

https://twitter.com/JeffSposato/status/277088709747306496

What about pheasant stuffed with squab stuffed with quail? Squab is a massively underrated meat, for what it’s worth. Really good stuff.

Alternately, what about pork stuffed with lamb stuffed with beef? Obviously the cow is the biggest of these animals, but I figure you’re not going to want the beef on the outside because you’d have to dry it out to get the pork cooked. But pork on the outside means maybe you can cook the lamb and beef to medium rare, with the added benefit of the delicious pork fat seeping into the interior meats. Actually, I can’t believe I’ve never considered this before. Somebody get John Madden on the phone. We’re past due for the Porlambeef.

https://twitter.com/RFAlphaBeta89/status/277103973075402753

The Jets in a baseball game against the Mets, definitely. Who’s your offensive line, if you’re the Mets? Just based on size alone, and picking from the Mets’ whole 40-man roster, you’d probably have to go with Lucas Duda and Robert Carson at the tackles, Jeurys Familia and Anthony Recker at guards and Frank Francisco at center. Those guys would get trounced by the Jets’ defensive line. No matter how good Kirk Nieuwenhuis is in the backfield, the Mets aren’t getting a single play off against the Jets’ D. Also, the Jets have way more dudes, and for the Mets to field a full football team with everyone playing only one way, they’re going to have to field some guys who will be absolutely torn apart by NFL players.

The Jets’ ace in the hole, also, is that Jeremy Kerley can supposedly throw fastballs in the mid 90s. And every guy in their receiving corps and defensive backfield is probably fast enough and coordinated enough to lay down an occasional bunt hit then steal some bases, and cover a lot of territory defensively. The Mets would obviously still kick the crap out of them in baseball, but I think it’d be a closer game.

Not this week, sorry. I was kind of hoping no one would notice. On average, I wind up eating probably three or four sandwiches for every one that gets reviewed, and I’m planning a vacation for January and trying to be healthy and save money until then. I’m not intentionally avoiding sandwiches or anything, I just haven’t been eating sandwiches with the frequency I typically need to find a sandwich worthy of review. If I happen upon one, I’ll write it up here. More on the vacation certainly to follow, but I expect it will provide much fodder for food porn here.

https://twitter.com/JoeBacci/status/277073689621704705

It’s cool that there’s going to be some sort of professional sport on Hempstead Turnpike once the Islanders leave, but unless the Cosmos bring back Pele they’re not going to recapture the magic of having Pele on your soccer team.

https://twitter.com/Devon2012/status/277074924189917184

I’m for it. Heartily. One of the best perks at my last job was that the soda machines had cans of Yoo-hoo for 50 cents. This office has free soda, but no Yoo-hoo. It’s good because it’s both a beverage and a dessert.

I don’t know. Wikipedia says it doesn’t even necessarily have meat in it anymore, which is about the most flagrant type of false-advertising. You can’t name a food item for another, more established type of food item when it has no relationship to that thing.

“Hey have you tried lingonbacon?”
“No, but it sounds amazing.”
“Sorry, it’s a vegetable, and it sucks.”