Today in unanswerable questions

I’ve asked this before but now seems as good a time as any to revisit it. Last night, Bryce Harper and Mike Trout won the NL and AL Rookie of the Year Awards, respectively.

In 2012, Harper hit .270 with a .340 on-base percentage and a .477 slugging. He hit 22 home runs and stole 18 bases and played strong defense in the outfield. By WAR, his was by far the best season of all time by a 19-year-0ld position player.

Trout posted a .326/.399/.564 line with 30 homers, 49 steals in only 54 attempts, and outstanding defense in the outfield. By WAR, his was the best season in the modern era by a 20-year-old position player*.

That the pair should unleash themselves upon baseball in the same season is enormously exciting, and their shared youth, talent and position means they’ll likely be linked and compared for years to come.  So, you know, who ya got?

*- You know why we need to specify “position player,” right? It’s this guy.

Sandwich of the Week

The sandwich: The Godfather Part II from No. 7 Sub, three locations in New York City. I got mine in the baller-ass basement of the Plaza Hotel.

The construction: Salami, Mexican chorizo, ham, Muenster, pickled jalapenos, sweet potatoes and Thai basil on a toasted hero roll.

Important background information: This is the third sandwich I’ve reviewed from No. 7 Sub on this site. I think only Shake Shack has seen more sandwiches discussed here, and as far as I can remember no place else has even provided two Sandwiches of the Week. That’s not a coincidence, nor is it purely a function of No. 7 Sub’s relative proximity to my office.

I sometimes daydream about opening a sandwich shop, even though it’s not something I imagine I’d ever have the patience or wherewithal to execute. Basically, I just want to come up with creative new ideas for delicious sandwiches based on my extensive research in the field, then serve them to people, and have them revel in my mastery of the craft and tell me I’m the greatest artist of all time and break down in tears because my sandwiches are majestic and heartbreaking.

No. 7 Sub is a bit like that. It features a fluctuating menu of smartly conceived sandwiches, most of them featuring ingredients that seem discordant but which inevitably work together. I’ve yet to enjoy a less than excellent sandwich there. And — perhaps greater praise — I’ve yet to eat any sandwich there that tastes just like another sandwich I’ve had elsewhere, but none of the ingredient choices peculiar to No. 7 Sub ever feels forced.

What it looks like:

How it tastes: Predictably awesome.

This is a tough thing to describe and I fear this post will become more about sandwiches than this sandwich, but it doesn’t really taste like you’d imagine all the ingredients would combine to taste — if that’s something you could even imagine. With great focus you can identify certain flavors from each element, some easier than the others.

But this tastes more like a Godfather Part II than it tastes like salami, ham, chorizo, Muenster, sweet potatoes and Thai basil, if that makes any sense. It’s salty with a crispy hint of the Thai basil’s fragrant bite, and spicy in multiple ways but mellowed by the earthy sweetness of the sweet potatoes. For some reason it makes me think of pizza, but it’s not like any pizza I’ve ever had. Maybe it’s the salami and the sausage under a mild melted cheese. Or maybe all good things just make me think of pizza.

Oh, and the bread is amazing. That’s the constant at No. 7 Sub. They toast fresh, hearty, crusty, delicious bread that’s basically the ideal sandwich-holding stuff. It adds crunch, tastes great and maintains its integrity but never overwhelms its contents.

On another recent sandwich expedition, I had a bacon, egg and fried oyster sandwich. It was fine. But I couldn’t for the life of me determine why someone felt the need to put fried oysters on a bacon and egg sandwich. The moisture from the egg sogged the breading on the oysters before it even got to the table, so it didn’t add crunch. It added a seafood flavor that, though pleasant enough on its own, felt utterly extraneous on and perhaps even detrimental to a bacon and egg sandwich. I’d definitely have preferred the bacon and egg sandwich with a couple of fried oysters on the side.

If your thing is piling unlikely elements on sandwiches for the sake of having unlikely elements on sandwiches, then by all means, foie-gras the hell out of that peanut butter and jelly. But if you’re legitimately interested in making great sandwiches — the noblest pursuit — I would suggest considering, before adding any ingredient, whether a) the ingredient will make the sandwich better and b) the ingredient will be better as part of the sandwich than it would be on its own. It’s about synergy, or something.

And this is what I like about No. 7 Sub, at least based on the sandwiches I’ve had there: Every ingredient always appears to have some purpose, like someone’s putting real thought into the sandwiches’ construction, not just piling on a bunch of random crap and pawning it off on hipsters who love random-crap sandwiches.

The only element on the Godfather Part II that’s hard to wholly justify is the ham, since its flavor gets a little lost under all the more powerful ones and since its bulk doesn’t seem all that necessary on an otherwise hefty sandwich. But then I suppose the people behind this sandwich have earned the benefit of the doubt. Presumably the ham is there for a reason.

(If you plan to follow the two-step process for adding ingredients to sandwiches detailed above, I beg you now to consider the case of ham. Ham is always better on a sandwich than on its own. That’s indisputable. If you’re eating somewhere and you know you’re about to be served ham, stash away some dinner rolls. You won’t regret it. It would also help to have mustard. Also, if you don’t believe me that ham is always better on a sandwich, please bring me bread and a ham and I will prove it to you. Also: Mustard.)

Only a few things held the Godfather Part II out of the Hall of Fame. The first and foremost is the high standards I now have for No. 7 Sub, which isn’t really fair. But I suspect if I went in there cold and ate one of these, I’d be adding it to the sidebar here as we speak.

Second, the starchy texture of the sweet potatoes up against the bread wasn’t my favorite. The sweet potato flavor was an important element of what made the sandwich so good, so it’s obviously a tough thing to balance. But the chunks of sweet potato were a bit thick, and their mushiness sort of distracted me from the rest of the sandwich.

What it’s worth: $13, which is a lot for a sandwich anywhere. Presumably space in the basement of the Plaza Hotel doesn’t come cheap, nor does stocking a host of fresh, delicious ingredients. It’s a cost I’m willing to bear occasionally, but it’s enough to keep me from eating there more regularly. Maybe that’s ultimately a good thing.

The rating: 87 out of 100.

Mustache hat now a thing

In conjunction with their new affiliation with the Kansas City Royals, the Single-A Lexington Legends unveiled new uniforms. Here’s their new road hat:

If New Era hats fit my head better, I’d probably be miffed that this thing was already sold out and searching for one in my size on eBay. But I find American Needle caps better suited for my massive melon.

Via Dan Lewis.

The drunkard’s GM meetings

“Hard work and talent is what brings you success,” Mlodinow said he told the group. “They are two big components of success, but also luck is a big component of success. Players have the talent but are subject to the random fluctuations that happen. You look at a player who’s on a hot streak and think that he’s seeing the ball better or concentrating better, but a large component of that is randomness.”

Mlodinow writes about how those theories apply to baseball and other sports in his book, entitled, “The Drunkard’s Walk,” which was published in 2008.

“When we look at extraordinary accomplishments in sports — or elsewhere — we should keep in mind that extraordinary events can happen without extraordinary causes,” he wrote. “Random events often look like non-random events, and in interpreting human affairs we must take care not to confuse the two.”

Barry M. Bloom, MLB.com.

Leonard Mlodinow’s The Drunkard’s Walk is one of the more fascinating and enlightening books you’ll ever read. It’s downright awesome that he addressed the Major League GMs on Friday, even if a more thorough grasp of randomness league-wide could reduce some clubs’ competitive advantages.

Via BBTF.

Twitter Q&A, pt. 3: Food stuff

It’s all vital, and great sandwiches require great contents and great bread. But I think if you have to sacrifice quality somewhere, it has to be in the bread. The contents of the sandwich are more vital than the bread.

The way I see it, if you have really delicious bread and crappy contents — think pre-sliced supermarket deli meat or something — then combining the two just amounts to sullying the bread. I’d rather eat the bread plain or with some butter and discard the rest. And that’s not a sandwich at all.

If you’ve got stale bread but some really delicious salami and ham, you can usually get by with toasting or grilling or slathering the bread with a condiment. Sure, you could eat the salami and ham on their own. But they still probably benefit from the sandwich presentation, what with the even mustard distribution, as long as the bread is palatable.

I’m going to get into this more in a forthcoming Sandwich of the Week post (that’s foreshadowing, brother). But I think a good general guideline to consider when constructing a sandwich is this: Before adding an ingredient, consider both whether it will make the sandwich better and whether it will be better served inside a sandwich than on its own. If it’s yes in both cases, pile it on.

https://twitter.com/KlownKrusty/status/266931791884083200

Love it. People seem to assume that because I like Taco Bell I don’t like Chipotle, as if you need to choose one or the other. They’re totally different things, and there’s always room for more great, quick, relatively inexpensive Mexican-style fast foods.

I like Chipotle so much that my friends and I once wrote and shot a short movie in a Chipotle that was partly about Chipotle. The story was to be presented non-sequentially, like Memento, and it was to be called “Burrito, Interrupted.” I got lazy and never edited it. Humanity’s loss, I swear it.

https://twitter.com/Devon2012/status/266933401255305216

You mean like the four basic food groups? In that case, I’d probably go with tomatoes, cheese, ground beef and brioche buns and just eat cheeseburgers forever.

Twitter Q&A, pt. 2: The randos

Via email, Bill asks:

Any thoughts to the new Bond movie being released today?

I know you love The World Is Not Enough.

Bill asks that because he knows I do not love The World Is Not Enough, as Bill was, in fact, sitting next to me when I nearly got my drunken ass kicked in a DC movie theater by some juiced-up meathead who apparently liked the film. I regret nothing. That movie was terrible and everyone around me deserved the truth.

But no, I don’t have many thoughts on the new Bond movie being released today? Daniel Craig seems alright and Javier Bardem is definitely awesome, but I might boycott all Bond movies until someone caves and casts Jason Statham as Bond.

Trick question: There’s no such thing as an average dude with a mustache.

I’m an odd plater, but I had no idea Tom was asking about gas-rationing particulars until I followed up. I don’t drive much in any case, but right now my car is still dead on the side of the street. Thanks to Diwali, I can leave it there until Friday without getting a ticket. That means Thursday night I’ll be scrambling to find a tow truck.

I just spent a good amount of time discussing this with a trusted associate, and it pretty much just turned into the two of us listing as many peripheral Arrested Development characters as we could. They’re all great. It pretty much has to be Barry Zuckercorn, only because he’s got the most screen time of all them and a lot of the funniest lines. But certainly Steve Holt, White Power Bill and the Hot Cops deserve nods.

A bigger challenge might be coming up with a bad Arrested Development peripheral character. I didn’t care for Martin Short’s role or Gene Parmesan much, but other than that, it’s tough to think of any.