Faith in humanity restored

Posted on by
Reply

A long time ago my friend Jake and I cast the Taco Bell Wiki, linked here, into the Internet ether, assuming the world would appreciate our idea as much as we did and the Taco Bell Wiki would be edited appropriately. Instead, some jackass vandalized the Taco Bell Wiki — in a completely humorless manner, I should add — and defiled a photo of humanitarian and taco innovator Glen Bell. Today Jake reported that some heroic soul has fixed the Wiki and began editing it again. It’s now got 95 pages and counting.

Mark Sanchez mixing metaphors handsomely

Posted on by
2

“Hey, did you see your picture in the (paper)?” Sanchez asked.

“Which one?” Keller said.

“The answer is ‘No!'” Sanchez shot back. “You can’t read it, man. It’s poison. Don’t look.”

On a team filled with chest-thumping, ear-splitting bravado, Sanchez has rerouted his course: He’s not patting himself on the back after two consecutive stellar weeks.

“My line to everyone in the building is, ‘Every trash can gets a steak,'” Sanchez said Wednesday. “I don’t buy into it. I don’t want to take the cheese.”

– Manish Mehta, N.Y. Daily News.

Every garbage can gets a steak, so Mark Sanchez is not taking the cheese. Don’t doubt him; it makes perfect sense. Also I’m open to the possibility that Mark Sanchez said a whole bunch of brilliant stuff in between the garbage can thing and the cheese thing that just got cut out from the Daily News write-up, including some sort of poetic allusion to a mousetrap that made the cheese part of it fit seamlessly.

Also, maybe you should reconsider that whole cheese thing, Mark Sanchez. Delicious cheese, right there for the taking!

And furthermore, Dustin Keller: Mark Sanchez totally fooled you! You did not see that coming. He’s cagey, that fellow.

Amar’e Stoudemire might make me like the Knicks

Posted on by
4

Amar’e Stoudemire stood at the foot of the Roman Colosseum and felt empowered in a very Russell Crowe kind of way.

“Oh, I immediately thought of the movie ‘Gladiator,'” Stoudemire says. “It was awesome.”…

The Knicks depart Wednesday afternoon for Milan, the hometown of third-year forward Danilo Gallinari. They are scheduled to play Gallinari’s former club, Armani Jeans Milano on Sunday before heading to Paris, where they will play the Minnesota Timberwolves in an exhibition game next Wednesday.

– Frank Isola, N.Y. Daily News.

When the Knicks failed to land LeBron James, I thought the small upside was that I could continue not bothering to really follow the NBA all that closely. After all, I’m a busy guy and the winter is for college hoops and first-run TV shows and the baseball hot stove and everything.

But Amar’e Stoudemire seems like he might be a pretty awesome dude for a variety of reasons, his personality and thunderous dunks among them. And I can’t really remember the last time the Knicks had a likable star. Allan Houston? Was he a star?

Mind you, I always sort of ironically appreciated Stephon Marbury and in fact still own a pair of Starburys. But that’s different.

I now find myself wondering if Stoudemire and the supporting cast will be enough to have me keep close tabs on the Knicks for the first time since I left for college in 1999. I have my doubts, but that I’m even considering it is a testament to Stoudamire’s charisma, I suppose.

Also, Danilo Gallinari’s Italian team was called “Armani Jeans Milano.” That’s incredible. I assume they played in black t-shirts and designer jeans and smoked cigarettes on the court.

Welcome, weirdos

Posted on by
3

For no reason at all, I decided to sort through the list of recent Google search terms that led people to TedQuarters. The popular ones are predictable: Tedquarters, braylon edwards beard, ted berg, mark sanchez, melvin mora, mark sanchez taco bell hat.

Once you get down to the list of searches that only sent one visitor, though, you get some extremely random and particularly hilarious returns. They include:

“i hate bono so much”
75 great auk eggs
bathroom urinate hibernation
chester a arthur embarrassing fact
cole hamels nsfw
do they have bears in westchester
hot trucker stuff
llamas turn your back
marshmallow suspension bridge
penultimate lobster
porno tuba

Carry on.