Most awkward conversation

We were shooting some interviews for the Baseball Show yesterday and we cornered Chris Carter to ask him about his at-bat music, Hulk Hogan’s old ring-approach song, “Real American.”

Carter was happy to oblige. He said he liked Hogan growing up and that the song got him pumped up. Nothing really groundbreaking.

But I’m a jackass and these pieces are supposed to be entertaining, so I pushed it. Playing off the lyrics, I asked him if he fought for what’s right and fought for his life or something stupid like that — I’m pretty sure I even botched the lyrics a bit and screwed up the joke.

Carter tensed up a bit and I soon realized why.

“I, ahh, I don’t know about that question,” he said, “but I really support what our troops do and, ahh…”

I stopped him and he looked relieved. I said I was just playing off the lyrics and that we wouldn’t use that part. He was cool about it and even said we could include it in the show for laughs — we won’t — but I think it’s an interesting example of how careful these guys have to be. The whole Walter Reed thing is apparently fresh in everyone’s mind but mine, and Carter was obviously being cautious — overly cautious, maybe — about walking into any traps.

And don’t get me wrong, knowing how to deal with stuff like that is part (albeit a small fraction) of what baseball players, as public figures, get paid to do.

But — and this won’t win me any favors with some of my colleagues — since there are certain members of the press ready to spin every word out of an athlete’s mouth into something shocking or sensational, you understand why some players clearly think it’s easier to clam up or turn into cliche machines than to actually say what they’re thinking.

I wasn’t out to make Carter look bad and he figured that out pretty quickly, but he doesn’t know me from any of the 30-odd reporters slouching around the clubhouse.

And so though it might have seemed a bit odd to me, he was probably right to protect himself when I asked him a stupid question about fighting for his life. For all he knew, I could have seized the opportunity to excoriate him for hating America, as is trendy these days. There’s Web traffic in that, I’m sure.

Chocolate war!

But there are two separate groups vying for credit in what some might consider the research arm of a chocolate factory war.

The candy maker Mars is expected to announce on Wednesday that a project it financed has essentially completed the raw sequence of the genome of the cacao tree, and that it would make the data freely available to researchers.

The announcement upstages a consortium involving French government laboratories and Pennsylvania State University that is backed in part by a competitor of Mars, Hershey. This group says it has also completed the sequence, but cannot discuss it until its paper analyzing the genome is published in a scientific journal.

Andrew Pollack, N.Y. Times.

Whoa, nelly. The article says that understanding the chocolate genome sequence should help chocolatiers create more chocolate more deliciously, which seems awesome at first but is actually kind of terrifying when you think of it.

The French government is normally considered benign to the point of punchlines, but I’ve read Brave New World, and I’ve got to think that if someone were creating a drug to tranquilize society, it starts with a mass-produced super-chocolate.

Also, who the hell knew that Mars and Hershey were into this type of stuff? Mars has a research arm? I mean I guess that makes sense, but that’s so completely ominous.

And furthermore, I just now considered the implications of a chocolate war. Chocolate war! That’s about the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard of. You can call me naive, but I like to envision a world where all wars are chocolate wars — not like that book, but like replacing gunpowder with pure molten chocolate, and then when soldiers get hit they’re all covered in chocolate, and they say, “OK, you got me,” and they have to stand down, but the upside is free chocolate. Kind of like paintball, I guess, but the guns shoot chocolate truffles. Holy crap why has no one invented that yet?

Finally, you know who’s behind all this research at Mars? The article calls him Howard Yana-Shapiro, but you may know him better as Santa Claus:

The Hunt for Purple Rocktober is on

Lots of lists today as I get my head above water. Actual posts with cohestive text coming as soon as I finish up some stuff at the studio.

Reasons I’m rooting for the Rockies to make the playoffs and, should they get there, win the division series and NLCS (if they end up squaring off with the Rays in the World Series I’ll have a lot of considering to do):

1. Quietly well-run organization that develops a ton of good players from within.
2. They’re not the Phillies or Braves.
3. Support for my long-suffering friends at Rockiescast.
4. Troy Tulowitzki’s amazing mullet, ability.
5. Everything about this:

Carlos Gonzalez has your tacos right here.

Calcaterra: Re-awarding the MVP Awards may be the dumbest thing ever

Craig Calcaterra tees off on a USA Today column suggesting we do just that. And he’s right, you know. Not just for the reasons stated in his piece, but also for this big one: All the home runs every steroid user hit still counted. Regardless of how we feel about him morally, Barry Bonds was still immensely valuable to the Giants from 2001-2004 (also before and after that). It’s not the Roberto Clemente Award or the press’ “Good Guy” award or whatever.

This Derek Jeter thing

I saw the video of the Derek Jeter acting thing from last night but I haven’t yet seen the way the Internet or newspapers are taking to it. Put me down for thinking it’s pretty awesome, though.

Look: It’s downright silly, and certainly something for which Jeter deserves to be taunted mercilessly by opposing fans. But he exploited the situation to gain a competitive advantage. Is that cheating? Kind of, but if you’re going to get bent out of shape every time a player tries to mislead an umpire you’re going to have a whole lot of blustering to do. It just so happens that this example was particularly egregious, the evidence proving it nonsensical particularly strong, and Jeter’s reaction particularly absurd.

But what matters most is, like he said, that he got to first base. And it’s cool that he recognized the opportunity, and that he appropriately values that chance. Probably realizing how important it is to reach first base and seizing every opportunity you have to do so is a big part of the mindset that makes you become Derek Jeter.

The doubling over felt a little unnecessary though.

Another thing I want to reiterate, since this is coming up all over again now: It really amazes me that so many people can be so certain that the quality of Major League umpiring has gotten worse in some tangible way. This strikes me as a combination of confirmation bias — there are lots of stories of how the umpiring is bad, so we’re seeing a normal amount of bad calls and every time thinking, “yup, more bad umpiring!” — and new technologies that allow us to better assess umpiring.

I imagine if we could watch back every game from the 60s, 70s and 80s in high definition with ultra-mo replay and a billion camera angles like we have today, we’d spot thousands of blown calls at first and a hundred gaffes like Jeter’s last night that just got shrugged off by fans and media in the past because they appeared too close to contend with.

Things that suck hardcore

1. Jenrry Mejia getting injured
2. REO Speedwagon
3. The Phillies moving three games into first place
4. Most other things

Man, that sucked. We’ll have more information soon for sure, and just last night I talked to Dillon Gee about rehabbing and working all the way back from a shoulder injury. But shoulder injuries tend to be pretty bad news for pitchers, so here’s hoping this is a minor one.

Beyond REO Speedwagon heights of suckitude. No offense to fans of REO Speedwagon. I’m getting a late start today but I’ll have more in a bit. This video is amazing:

Shockingly, Ray Lewis’ son also good at football

Ray Lewis had a big game last week, leading his team to a dominant victory with 504 yards, two touchdowns and six completed tackles. No, we’re not crazy, we’re just not talking about the Ray Lewis you’re thinking of; it’s not the Baltimore Ravens linebacker. We’re talking about his son, Ray Lewis III, a budding sophomore star at Lake Mary Prep High School in Florida.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Ray Lewis III gained 504 yards in a 34-7 Lake Mary Prep win over Windermere Prep on Friday.

Cameron Smith, Prep Rally.

I can’t decide if the 504-yard total looks more or less impressive when you find out it came as a combination of rushing, passing, receiving and punt and kick returning. Probably more impressive. Ray Lewis’ kid pretty much dominated this football game.

Anyway, it reminded me of the most hilariously dominant burst of individual performance I’ve ever seen in a football game. And amazingly enough, the kid responsible was actually on my team.

That means I’m not talking about the humiliating time when, in my first-ever game starting at inside linebacker my junior year, a kid named Jason Ham from Port Washington nearly set the Long Island single-game rushing record against us. Or the time in middle school when a dude on Malverne named Jeffrey Birthwright dunked over the uprights (in middle school!) after his fourth rushing touchdown in the first half. Or the time in pee-wee ball when a boy named Jeremiah Pope from Inwood scored so many touchdowns that my dad and I walked off the field noting to remember his name as he would certainly make the NFL someday (we weren’t terribly far off.)

No, the instance I’m talking about happened in the first JV game of the season when I was in ninth grade, and really lasted only a quarter.

The opening kickoff fell in the hands of a kid on our team named Peter, a kid who played fullback in eighth grade the year before but grew up, thinned out and moved to tailback that season. The first time he touched the ball — the first time anybody but the kicker touched the ball that year — he returned in 76 yards for a touchdown.

On the ensuing series, our defense got a stop, so our opponent — I forget who it was but even-money it was West Hempstead, sucking like this — had to punt. Peter returned it 68 yards for another touchdown.

We weren’t able to stop them the next series, but obviously they didn’t want to put the kickoff anywhere near the kid so they squibbed it. We recovered. Then, on the first play from scrimmage, Peter ran the ball 65 yards for a touchdown.

The first three times he touched the ball, he broke touchdowns of 65+ yards. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t even that he was faster than everyone on the field, either; he just had this remarkable vision for where the seams would develop, combined with outstanding quickness to cut deftly and hit those seams

Sadly, that first quarter of his first season of JV was probably Peter’s peak. He was a nice kid, but he struggled with his grades and authority — at least once in spectacular fashion — and it led to a lot of trouble remaining on the football field.