OK, so that was amazing

Nothing I’m going to say here will add anything to the millions of words already spilled over Stephen Strasburg’s debut. It’s just that whole posterity thing again, my desire to make note of events that feel important so I can have them in the archive down the road.

I wrote last week that I was rooting for Strasburg to be a pretty good pitcher but not an exceptional one. I still think that would be funny — especially now — but I changed my mind when he struck out Jason Jaramillo looking on a backdoor curveball to start the third. Holy lord, he’s got some ludicrous stuff. I hope he stays awesome.

I love dominance and spectacle and pitchers who manipulate opposing batters. Strasburg provided all of that in his Major League debut. 14 strikeouts and 0 walks. Fourteen, zero.

And when Strasburg was up against his predetermined pitch count after the first out in the seventh, with Jim Riggleman sitting on the bench clearly wondering how he was expected to pull a pitcher who was effortlessly imposing his will upon the pitiful Pirates, Strasburg was all, “don’t worry, Skip, I got this.” Six straight strikes and the inning was over. Crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.

Bob Costas kept trying to keep things in perspective, then in the next breath would mention Bob Feller, Tom Seaver, Walter Johnson. It’s not fair, of course, to expect a Hall of Fame career out of any 21-year-old. But who’s to say what the hype machine would have churned out if Feller, Seaver or the Big Train made their debuts in 2010? And who knows if it matters? Competitors like those probably couldn’t care less about any expectations besides their own; to get to that level, they’ve got to be awful, awful driven.

Maybe Strasburg’s a Hall of Famer. Heck, maybe he’s the greatest pitcher of all time. Sure, Dwight Gooden had 58 Major League wins with a 2.28 ERA and a 155 ERA+ by the time he was Strasburg’s age, and Kerry Wood struck out 233 batters in his first 166 2/3 innings, and back in 1967 Gary Nolan whiffed five times as many guys as he walked across his first 10 starts when he was only 19 years old.

Who cares about that? Everyone knows pitchers flame out. It happens. But every so often a Roger Clemens comes around, or a Seaver or a Greg Maddux. That happens too. At some point in our lifetimes, we will see more historically great pitchers. And though the odds are long for everyone, it’s hard to bet against the guy who struck out 14 batters without walking any in his Major League debut.

Mets give me good excuse to post Sonny Rollins song

In the 10th round of the MLB draft today, the Mets picked a right-handed pitcher named Akeel Morris out of Charlotte Amalie High School in St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

I don’t know anything about Morris beyond what’s on his BeRecruited.com profile: He’s 6’1″, 170 pounds, threw 44 innings with a 2.65 ERA this season (or in travel ball, or somewhere) and he’s committed to Connors State University.

If Morris signs and eventually reaches the Majors as a pitcher, he will become only the second player from the U.S. Virgin Islands to do so. Al McBean — who went to the same high school as Morris — pitched in 409 games with the Pirates, Dodgers and Padres in the 60s and 70s.

There have been 10 position players in the Majors from the U.S. Virgin Islands, but only three since the turn of the millenium: Midre Cummings, Callix Crabbe and monstrous Quadruple-A masher Calvin Pickering. And all three went to high school in the continental United States.

So here’s rooting for Akeel Morris to help make baseball just a little bit more global. And if it benefits the Mets along the way, you know, good.

With Mets’ front office making reasonable decisions, Taco Bell turns to baffling ones

A couple days ago Catsmeat tipped me off to the Cheesy Nachos at Taco Bell. Last night I went to investigate. Here’s what they look like:

Yup, as Catsmeat suggested, they’re just the regular old Taco Bell Nachos dumped out on a plate and with the cheese poured over them. They’re 10 cents cheaper than the old Nachos, so that’s cool, but the obvious downside is that you can’t make any efforts to ration the cheese. Even with the traditional Nachos, Taco Bell has never provided nearly enough nacho cheese per chip, so you end up with a bunch of dry chips that you haphazardly cover in Fire Sauce or something.

That problem has not been alleviated with the new Cheesy Nachos. It appears that there’s precisely the same amount of nacho cheese and chips, but now you can’t carefully dip each chip into the cheese, so to get the most life out of that cheese you’re going to have to pick up a dry chip off one side of the plate and use it to scoop cheese off one of the chips that are swimming in it, an expert-level Nacho-eating technique.

It’s annoying. And to make matters worse, it appears that the regular old Nachos are no longer on the menu at my local Taco Bell, so I’m concerned they’re being phased out and replaced by Cheesy Nachos. I’m willing to pay the extra dime to maintain more control over my nacho cheese, but I’m worried– and I haven’t tried yet — my local Taco Bell won’t let me. Maybe if you live near a good Taco Bell they will. But once something’s off the menu at my Taco Bell, good luck convincing them to hand it to you, even if they’ve got all the components right there.

The strange thing here is trying to figure out Taco Bell’s motivation for the move. The new dish requires one of the little black plates familiar to fans of the Nachos Supreme, but that’s actually a lot more packaging than the traditional form, which were just chips in a bag and a little plastic container of cheese.

This might be an effort to streamline packaging costs, but obviously little bags will be an important part of Taco Bell’s packaging repertoire as long as the delicious Cinnamon Twists are still around, and those aren’t going anywhere. This seems like a big push just to eventually get rid of the little plastic container that holds the nacho cheese, especially since those are nearly identical to the ones given out just about everywhere for ketchup transportation.

Former roommate Ted suggests it could have something to do with the Doritos that are now distributed at Taco Bell as part of the $2 Meal Deals, but I have a little more faith in Taco Bell consumers to distinguish between Nachos and Nacho Cheese Doritos even if they’re both served in little bags.

So this is a head-scratcher. Taco Bell probably has a good reason for the decision and I know I should never doubt Taco Bell. But it would be comforting to know I can at least get the O.G. Nachos when I want them and not have to worry about the pathetic inefficiencies of the new Cheesy Nachos.

Depressing article contains worst analogy for rodeo

Bull riding has long been mythologized for its danger. A rider climbs onto a lurching 2,000-pound bull, grasps the end of a rope that is wrapped around the animal’s midsection and must stay aboard for eight seconds to score points.

“It’s like a violent game of chess,” said Ty Murray, a nine-time world champion rodeo cowboy.

Dan Frosch, New York Times.

Hmm… a dude clinging to stay atop a bucking, 2,000-pound beast for eight seconds? Yeah, that does sort of sound like a chess match.

Oh wait a minute, no. That’s nothing like chess. In fact, rodeo might be as unlike chess as any sport there is. Who is the opponent, in this analogy? The angry bull? Death? Sorry, cowboy, I’m just not sure there’s anyone working to calmly outthink you as you’re tossed around by that tortured monster.

The Times story is otherwise tragic and very well-penned, and I don’t aim to make light of Bryan Guthrie’s awful fate, but it makes for a reasonable excuse to weigh in on bull riding. I went to the Professional Bull Riders tour when it came to the Madison Square Garden last summer, mostly so I could say, “this ain’t my first rodeo” the next time I end up at a rodeo.

But now that I’ve seen one, I’m not sure I’ll ever make it out to a second rodeo. I appreciate that it’s certainly terrifying to ride a bull but since they actually stop the clock once you reach eight seconds and judge you on style, it’s not really very exciting at all. Just a succession of dudes riding bulls. Sometimes they hang on for eight seconds and sometimes they don’t. You end up tempted to root for horrifying mishaps, as I imagine you would at a NASCAR event.

And at no point during the event did I ever consider that it was anything like a chess match, or even a violent chess match. A violent chess match would probably be a lot more entertaining.

Actually, I think a good idea for a sport would be to pit two chess masters against each other in the middle of a rodeo ring. Then, at some undisclosed point in their match, release an angry bull and see what happens. Now you’ve got to think on your feet, bro.

Yeah, you could take his queen with your rook right now and put yourself in pretty good position to lock up checkmate in a few moves, but there’s a pretty solid chance you’ll be gored by then, and the whole chessboard bucked into the mud. So how do you play that? You tell me, buddy; you’re the so-called “master.”

Mark Teixeira schools the Daily News

“I’ve been through plenty of ups and downs in my career and the back of my baseball card says it all,” said Teixeira….

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you guys, I had a great May,” Teixeira said in an exasperated, defensive tone. “You have a couple bad games, you don’t worry about it. You put it aside and you go play today. If I had struck out six times (Sunday), you probably could have written an article saying, ‘Man, there’s something wrong with Tex.’ But I swung the bat really well. I didn’t get any hits, but results are going to show up if I keep swinging the bat.”…

Asked about the stark dropoff over the past three weeks, Teixeira quickly dismissed the significance of those numbers.

“You guys can do that all year long – and go ahead,” he told reporters after Sunday’s game. “It’s fun to do, because stats are what’s fun about this game. But as a player that plays 162 games a year, you don’t live and die with every good game or every bad game.

Mark Feinsand, N.Y. Daily News.

This is a fascinating article. The early edition of the News actually had a front-page inset that boasted special coverage of Teixeira’s slump (which has since been bumped for the Fashion Oscars) and Mike Lupica chimed in with a column of his own.

Here’s the funny thing: The “exasperated, defensive” first baseman is absolutely right. Teixeira’s rate stats are almost all in keeping with his career lines. He is hitting the same amount of line drives as he did last year. The principle difference in his production comes from a .229 batting average in balls in play that’s a full 75 points below his career .304 line.

Mark Teixeira is suffering through a prolonged run of terrible luck. He happened to strike out six times in a game on Saturday, and that’s bad, and the type of thing that prompts multi-page special features about his slump. But his strikeout rate is, again, perfectly in keeping with his career total.

The numbers will normalize. Hits will fall. Mark Teixeira understands this. It’s almost as if that guy knows a thing or two about baseball.

Mets draft some guy

Somehow I never realized how much of a crapshoot the actual game of craps is until this weekend, when I stood near a table in Atlantic City and learned the rules of craps. It’s really just betting on dice rolls. Total crapshoot. It’s not just a clever name.

So it’s not really fair to call the MLB draft a crapshoot, because it’s not like the Mets could choose just anyone with that seventh overall pick and expect equal odds of a reasonable return. Matt Harvey has a much better chance of turning into a legitimate Major Leaguer than I do because I don’t throw a fastball in the high 90s. So it’s a good thing the Mets didn’t draft me.

But since baseball players are drafted from all sorts of different levels and leagues, there’s no easy way to compare skill levels and obviously no perfect way to project how good a player will become. So yeah, once scouts have poured over thousands of amateur players and identified the ones worth drafting in the first couple of rounds, it does a bit random as to which ones pan out.

Teams and general managers who draft players that become good Major Leaguers are generally credited as good drafters, and there are very likely some scouts with a better sense of projectable Major League talent than others. But such a slim percentage of drafted players become Major Leaguers and even fewer become Major League stars, so it’s damn near impossible to say for certain that any team consistently drafts well. We can point to teams with good draft histories and we can identify the teams that seem to employ the best strategies. That’s really it, though.

For a point of reference, check out the first basemen drafted in the first round in 2008. The Mets selected Ike Davis that year, a pick some fans (predictably) grumbled about but one that seems to be working out.

Davis was one of six first basemen taken in the first round. The first, Eric Hosmer, was out of high school and appears pretty talented, though he’s still a ways off. The second, much-hyped University of Miami product Yonder Alonso, has a .715 OPS across Double- and Triple-A this season.

The third, University of South Carolina’s Justin Smoak, raked in Triple-A earlier this season and is currently starting at first for the Rangers, though without as much success as Davis to date. David Cooper, drafted one pick before Davis out of Cal, has a .675 OPS in Double-A.

Four picks after Davis, the Padres took Allan Dykstra, who is sporting a .698 OPS in High A.

In other words, they’re all over the map. As of now, Hosmer, Smoak and Davis appear to have been good picks and Alonso, Cooper and Dykstra bad ones. So we can credit the Royals, Rangers and Mets for their talent scouting, or we can guess they just got lucky. And really, we still don’t know: All these guys are still young; any of the former three could collapse and any of the latter three could explode.

That’s a long and silly way of saying it’s sort of pointless to get too excited one way or the other about Matt Harvey. I understand that drafting college pitchers is a good strategy, though I don’t know that I’d point to Harvey’s history of 150+ pitch outings as a good sign (as many have). You can’t teach a 98-mph fastball, though, so that’s good.

What I know for certain is that he had an awesome mustache, so, you know, suck on that Chris Sale. Also, I will hold out some slim hope that he breaks with tradition and chooses Weird Al Yankovic’s deep track “Harvey the Wonder Hamster” as his warmup music. And it’d be cool if he’s good, too.

Marky Mark asks you to help his bunch get funkier

Rapper/Actor Mark Wahlberg has partnered with Taco Bell in support of the Taco Bell Foundation For Teens, a “multi-year initiative to raise awareness of the United States’ high-school graduation crisis and fund real-world experiences that are proven to help teens graduate.”

In a video posted to the foundation’s website, Wahlberg says that just $1 can make a difference in a teen’s life, and that makes sense. A dollar can buy a taco, and teens love tacos. Everyone does. I’m not sure exactly the mechanics of it, but I imagine an effective strategy for the foundation would be to have high-school graduates hand out tacos to at-risk teens and be like, “Hey, I bought you this taco, but I could only afford this taco because I graduated high school, so, you know, heads up. You want to keep eating good, you’re gonna need to hit the books.”

In all seriousness, I had no idea this country was enduring a dropout epidemic, and I worked in a high school for two years. And education is, ahh, what’s that word… good.

And what better way to reach at-risk youth than Taco Bell? Plenty, actually: Any other fast-food restaurant would be a good start, since kids discerning enough to eat at Taco Bell probably already recognize the value of education.

Still, if anyone needs proof, check this out. I’m about to break you off a few ideas:

Magma Gordita Crunch: Warm, pillowy flatbread layered with melted three-cheese blend and stuffed with crunchy red taco shell filled with seasoned ground beef, crisp shredded lettuce, real cheddar cheese and topped off with cheesy molten hot lava sauce.

Bacon Cheeseburger Burrito: A warm, soft flour tortilla loaded seasoned ground beef, warm nacho cheese sauce, crispy flavorful bacon, tangy red sauce and crunchy red strips.

TexiMelt: A warm, soft, flour tortilla wrapped around seasoned ground beef, three melted cheeses — cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella — and creamy pepper jack sauce, then melted to perfection.

You know how I got those ideas? I JUST MADE THEM UP! You know how I have the capacity for that type of creativity? Education, baby. I’m a damn master of the arts, and because of that I can think up new Taco Bell menu items off the top of my head. Stay in school, kids and maybe one day you’ll ascend to America’s ultimate occupation: Taco Bell Executive Chef.

To donate to the Taco Bell Foundation For Teens, click here or donate at participating Taco Bell restaurants through June 15. No word on why some Taco Bell restaurants wouldn’t participate, or why they’ll stop taking donations on June 16.

There’s (probably) nothing happening here

The Mets are 22-9 at home and 8-18 on the road. That’s a big split, no doubt.

So what’s happening?

I’m going to go with “nothing.” Or at least nothing important or lasting.

Jerry Manuel has suggested that the Mets’ hitters tense up on the road because they’re eager to maximize their home run totals while they have the opportunity to do so out of spacious Citi Field. That’s an interesting theory and one that’s impossible to disprove, but it argues that the psychological factors are enough to outweigh the park factors, and that seems like a stretch.

Also, neither Manuel’s explanation nor Charlie Manuel’s suggestion that the Mets are stealing signs covers why the team’s pitchers would be performing so much better in Citi Field. Certainly the park has something to do with it, but the Mets have a 2.85 home ERA and a 5.22 road ERA, likely too big a split to be explained away by the big park.

And though it would be reasonable to guess that Mets pitchers felt more confident pounding the strike zone in Citi Field, where they run less risk of gopherballs, there’s little evidence to support that case: The Mets have actually walked opposing batters at a slightly higher rate at home than on the road. They’ve just been hit much harder on the road, to the tune of more hits and home runs.

In general, teams win more games and players perform slightly better at home than on the road. That’s no surprise: They take advantage of the particulars of the familiar parks, plus the comforts of their own homes and beds and clubhouses and everything else.

And looking around the league, there are other teams with pretty strong distinctions in their home and road records: The Braves are 19-6 at home and 14-18 on the road; the Rangers are 20-10 at home and 10-16 on the road.

The Mets’ split is a bit more extreme than those, for sure. They have the most home wins in baseball and have won only 31 percent of their games on the road, so it is natural to try look for a reason and create some story about what’s happening.

But it’s just randomness again. Give it enough time and it will balance out. As long as the Mets are winning more games than they’re losing, it doesn’t really matter where it happens.