Nobody seems to think the Mets need Bengie Molina except the Mets and Bengie Molina

I kind of figured Bengie Molina and the Mets had agreed on something by now and were just holding off on announcing it, but according to Buster Olney, Bengie Molina rejected the team’s latest offer.

So if you’re a pessimist, you think this makes the Mets more likely to up the amount of dollars or years in their offer to Molina. If you’re an optimist, you think this makes the Mets more likely to sign someone else or use some combination of the catchers they already have.

Unless, of course, you’re hoping the Mets sign Molina, in which case, reverse all that.

But only a small fraction of Mets fans appear to think the Mets could actually benefit from adding Molina, and, of those, few seem particularly excited about the possibility.

My favorite argument for signing Molina was summed up well recently in a FoxSports.com blog entry:

Beltran’s unavailability for Opening Day places a greater emphasis on adding a player who can hit in the middle of the order. And Molina batted cleanup for the Giants through most of the 2009 season.

While it’s true that Molina hit cleanup for the Giants in 2009, it’s also true that the Giants had the worst offense in the Major Leagues last year. Signing Bengie Molina to hit in the middle of your order just because he hit in the middle of the 2009 Giants’ order is like signing Luis Ayala to be your closer because he finished out games for the 2008 Mets.

Anyway, until Molina signs elsewhere, the Mets sign a different catcher, or someone on the team comes out and confirms that some combination of Henry Blanco, Chris Coste, Josh Thole and Omir Santos will start behind the plate in 2010, we can only assume that the world’s slowest game of chicken is still underway and that all that happened today was Molina announcing his intention not to flinch.

Rock bottom

While stumbling around the Mets’ blogosphere this weekend, I came upon a poll that I, disappointingly, cannot now find for linking. It asked what users thought was the low point of the 2009 season for the Mets.

The leaders were the obvious choices: Luis Castillo’s dropped pop-up, Jose Reyes’ injury, Mike Pelfrey’s yips, Fernando Martinez’s faceplant and the like.

My answer wasn’t provided as an option.

I suspect not many people were watching the Mets on the afternoon of Aug. 5. For one, I realize not many people work in settings where they are encouraged to watch baseball games from their desks.

Plus, by early August, half the roster was on the disabled list, the other half was playing uninspiring ball and the Tony Bernazard saga was still shrinking in the rear-view mirror.

But I was excited to tune in that day because the Mets were starting Jon Niese, who seemed, at that point, the team’s lone remaining person of interest.

Fernando Martinez, the team’s other near-ready prospect, was already done for the year after hamstring surgery. So Niese, who had posted impressive peripherals in Triple-A, represented the only promising new Met, the one guy who could cull meaning out of the lost season’s final months and prove he belonged in the big leagues.

No one thinks Niese will be a Major League ace anytime soon — or anytime at all, really — but I knew then that if he pitched well for the Mets down the stretch, they could go into Spring Training 2010 with a decent and inexpensive young starter for the middle of their rotation. He was the very last glimmer of hope that something good could come out of an awful, awful year.

Then, an inning and two-thirds later, he did a full split while covering first base on a groundout and appeared to tweak something.

Then, one warmup pitch later, he was on the ground, writhing in pain.

That was it for me: rock bottom. That’s when I stopped thinking “terrible luck” and “a series of unfortunate events” and started thinking “inarguable hex” and “black magic.” The Mets weren’t even going to have a chance to assess their best young players, because their best young players couldn’t escape whatever strange, vengeful Phillies-fan deity had already wreaked havoc on their established stars.

Niese was expected, at the time, to be fully recovered from his injury by the upcoming Spring Training. So here’s hoping that happens.

But we would know so much more about Niese and what he could be expected to contribute tot he 2010 Mets if it hadn’t happened, obviously, and for me, it was the lowest point in a year full of them.

Items of note

Sam Page lobbies for Eric Byrnes. I disagree. Byrnes is a nice defender, but my issue is mostly an irrational one: I find his style of play infuriating. It always looks like slows up a little bit on fly balls so he can dive when he doesn’t have to, just to put on a show. It’s obnoxious, and I don’t like it. I like a good showman, but not when it’s over-the-top like that.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to root for the Mariners? It’s so hard to believe that just a couple years ago they looked like one of baseball’s most hapless franchises.

To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, this has international incident written all over it.

Howard Megdal weighs in on Georgetown’s lack of depth.

A nation mourns

I just found out that Glen Bell, founder of Taco Bell, passed away yesterday at 86. This is a sad day.

But Bell lived a long and complete life, and though his family should be in our thoughts, we should not forget all the wonderful, spectacular things he’s done for us. Especially that most wonderful, most spectacular thing: Founding Taco Bell.

So in honor of Mr. Bell’s amazing life and legacy, here’s the entirety of a guest post I made at RakeBlog a while ago, inspired by Glen Bell’s authorized biography, Taco Titan:

In Taco Titan: The Glen Bell Story, Debra Lee Baldwin’s biography of Taco Bell founder Glen Bell, Bell himself grants readers a special treat: His 60 “Recipes for Success.” Leafing through these suggestions, we learn that Bell is not just a great and inspirational soothsayer (little-known fact: Bell briefly launched a barbecue chain called Hickory Bell in 1969, long before the barbecue explosion of this millennium), but a man who practices what he preaches. Here I present to you several of Bell’s recipes, all of which are currently in practice at every Taco Bell restaurant:

#3) An innovative product will set you apart.

Did you know that Glen Bell invented the pre-formed hard taco shell? It’s true. He owned a hamburger stand that happened to be across the street from a tortilla factory, but he realized that tacos — stuffed then deep-fried — were simply too messy for mass production and consumption. So Glen Bell hired some guy to make him a rack out of chicken wire. That way, he could deep-fry, then stuff. Innovation!

#9) Always be on the lookout for a bargain.

Little-known fact: Taco Bell cash registers do not go past $20. It is thought to be impossible to spend more than that on Taco Bell food, no matter how many people you’re with and how much you buy. The price per item drops as you approach $20. Everyone who follows Glen Bell’s Ninth Recipe for Success eats at Taco Bell daily, because there is no better bargain. How people still starve is beyond me. Have they ever even heard of the Big Taste Taco? (Ed. Note: the Big Taste Taco is no longer available.)

#19) Volume is the key to profit.

Duh. Why buy one expensive taco when you can buy 30 cheap ones?

#22) The best ideas are often the most simple.

How’s this for a simple idea: We start with six or seven delicious ingredients. Then we combine them in as many ways as we can possibly imagine. Cheesy Bean and Beef Burritaco! Do it! It’s gold!

#36) Control your growth or it will control you.

If there were a Taco Bell everywhere Taco Bell consumers wanted a Taco Bell, there would be Taco Bells everywhere. All retail space would be occupied by Taco Bell because all matter would be made up of Taco Bell, and the only thought would be Taco Bell because the entire universe, and all of existence, would only be Taco Bell. So yeah, for the sake of life on Earth, it’s probably best that Taco Bell’s growth be controlled. Not for the sake of me getting some goddamned Taco Bell in Brooklyn, though. (Ed. Note: I no longer live in Brooklyn. I now live much closer to Taco Bell, thankfully.)

#37) Challenge employees to recognize problems. Reward employees who generate solutions.

A few years ago, there was a problem at Taco Bell. It was this: Delicious crunchy tacos are really hard to travel with. Sure, those of us with brilliant and benevolent Driver’s Ed teachers were lucky enough to learn the secrets of driving while eating crunchy tacos (hint: play the angles), but it’s a tricky undertaking. So Glen Bell, I assume, challenged his employees to come up with some way to incorporate crunchiness in a portable menu item. Behold: The Double-Decker Taco, the Crunchwrap Supreme, The Cheesy Gordita Crunch, etc. I assume that these problems were both recognized and solved by Taco Bell employees because I know that Taco Bell employees possess the solutions to all the world’s problems.

#58) Money is not a goal in itself but a means to an end.

This is a universal truth. Money is not a goal in itself. Money is only a means with which to purchase tacos.

Jets doing all sorts of awesome things

Hey, did anyone hear that the Jets won yesterday?

They did, 17-14. It was sweet. They defied the expectations of all five of the dudes paid to predict what would happen in the game on CBS’ pre-game, not to mention just about everyone who has ever hosted a talk-radio show.

Haters, and there will be plenty, will point out that they only won because Nate Kaeding, normally one of the more reliable kickers in football, missed three field goals. This is true.

But one of them was from 57 yards out, first of all, so that hardly counts. And the other two? I don’t know. Chalk that up to a little Doug Brien karma coming back around for the Jets.

Seriously, it’s not like luck has fallen their way that often, historically. Why’s everyone going to begrudge the Jets when things work out for them this season? So the Colts pulled Peyton Manning one week, then the Bengals laid down the next and sucked it up in the Wild Card round. Whatever. Near as I can tell, the Jets defense did a pretty good job shutting down one of the best passing offenses in football yesterday.

Anyway, I’m off today and the day is as beautiful as Mark Sanchez’s playoff beard, so I’ll leave you with this:

Remember earlier this year, when Kris Jenkins got hurt and everyone was saying the Jets were in trouble because they were “built to win now”? What was that about?

Because the way I see it, right now, the Jets have a promising rookie head coach, a highly touted young offensive coordinator who wants to stick around, an improving rookie quarterback, a rookie runningback that appears to be something of a stud, two young Pro Bowl offensive linemen, and a good young tight end. And they’ve got an awesome defense and a GM who appears to have an eye for awesome defenders.

And they have Darrelle Revis.

It’s pretty good to be a Jets fan and to be off from work today.

Also, here’s the only Martin Luther King Day carol I know of, courtesy of Public Enemy. Language and heavy amounts of funk potentially unsafe for work:

From the Wikipedia: Hibernation

From the Wikipedia: Hibernation

I had been led to believe that hibernation referred to the period when an animal basically shut off for winter, but this is apparently not the case. The Wikipedia page for hibernation completely sucks and needs to be updated to meet Wikipedia standards, but according to other Wikipedia pages, hibernating animals actually wake up during hibernation to eat and go to the bathroom, although they are animals and so obviously do not have bathrooms.

Basically, hibernators are just homebodies, the bloggers of the animal kingdom. The whole concept is overblown and overrated.

Meanwhile, bears are apparently not hibernators in the technical sense of the term, but instead enjoy something called “winter dormancy” during which they do not eat, drink, urinate or defecate.

So in other words, bears do exactly what I thought was hibernating, only it is not called hibernating. Whatever. Just semantics imposed upon us by some stuffed-shirt scientists, and bears continue to be way, way more awesome than scientists.

Sorry, scientists. Come back when you’re bears.

The silliest part of all this is that someone actually thought I went to the Wikipedia page for hibernation to learn about ground squirrels or mouse lemurs or any of the host of other boring animals that actually hibernate. Make no mistake, Wikipedia: I’m here for the bears. So let’s try this again:

From the Wikipedia: Winter Dormancy

I should first warn you that from the link above, if you scroll up just a tiny bit, there is a picture of bears having sex that could be NSFW, especially if you work with lascivious bears.

Bears have inspired many interesting and exciting Wikipedia pages. There’s this this list of famous fictional bears, this list of famous actual bears, and this list of bears. There are Wikipedia pages for Teddy Bears and Wikipedia pages for completely terrifying bears, but sadly, there is no dedicated Wikipedia page for the bear’s whole winter-dormancy thing, which is a shame because it’s downright fascinating.

According to non-Wikipedia Internet research, the American black bear can go 100 days without eating or drinking. 100 days. That’s nuts. Our pathetic human bodies would be dead in four.

November comes, and we have to keep finding food and maintaining our health as best we can through the cold-weather months. Not bears. Bears are just like, “You know what? I’m gonna go chill out in this cave a while. I’ll probably be up in time for the Super Bowl but TiVo it for me, just in case.”

You want to take a glass of water with you, bear?

“Nah, I’m good.”

Apparently one of the main reasons a bear’s winter dormancy differs from hibernation is that a bear can actually be roused from its slumber relatively easily, compared to those ground squirrels and mouse lemurs and all the lame, true hibernators.

But “relatively easily” just means that if you find a hibernating bear and poke at it for a while, it will eventually wake up and maul you. And if that happens, you know, you broke rule No. 1: Don’t f#@! with bears.

According to this article, German scientists are working on unlocking the secret to human hibernation. I’m down. If you timed it right, you could basically knock off after the World Series and wake up right before pitchers and catchers, probably with just enough time to figure out whatever roster moves your team made that offseason (oh, Omar, what’d you do!?). I realize you’d miss Christmas and the Super Bowl and the bulk of the college basketball season, but it’d also probably be a great way to lose weight.

Albert Pujols turns 30

Today is Albert Pujols’ 30th birthday.

Before his 30th birthday, Albert Pujols hit 366 Major League home runs. In his twenties, he posted a .334 batting average with a .427 on-base percentage and a .628 slugging. His 1.055 OPS is fourth all-time, behind Babe Ruth, Ted Williams and Lou Gehrig.

Albert Pujols’ Wikipedia page, as I’ve written before, reads like a list of Chuck Norris facts. In his first college game, Albert Pujols hit a grand slam and turned an unassisted triple play.

So happy birthday, Mr. El Hombre. I’m told 30 is a particularly rough one — I’ll find out myself in a year and six days — and I recommend taking it out on opposing pitchers. For now, enjoy a birthday meal of some shrimp tacos or pork chops and revel in your own awesomeness.

British people continue seeing members of Oasis practically everywhere

Courtesy of Emma Span, via Twitter, I found this tremendous bit of absurdity. Apparently some British guy believes he has captured an image of Liam Gallagher from Oasis in a fireball. Check it out:

What’s most hilarious about this, obviously, is that normally when people see something that looks vaguely like the image of a man someplace where it’s obviously not supposed to be, they assume it’s Jesus.

Unless, of course, they happen to be lorry drivers from Alcester, Warwickshire. Those people know it’s Liam Gallagher.

I actually think it looks a little like Dave Grohl, but I guess it’s all about perception.