Larry’s last hurrah

According to David O’Brien of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (via HardballTalk again), Chipper Jones has told people he will retire after this season.

Usually I enjoy greatness, even if it too often comes against the Mets, but Chipper is the one Hall of Fame-caliber player I always struggled to appreciate.

I wrote about this once before, way back in 2007. It was early August in my first year with press credentials, the Mets weren’t yet anywhere near collapsing, and Chipper had hit a 470-foot home run at Shea. So I wanted to write a column appreciating his dominance of the Mets:

But while Larry Wayne Jones, Jr. has certainly beat up on the Pirates as well, none of his children is named for Three Rivers Stadium or PNC Park. He calls his youngest Shea.

So I had to go to the source. With a large group of reporters, I waited as Chipper slowly pulled up a pair of black dress socks, put on shiny black leather shoes and tucked his sky-blue mock turtleneck (seriously, man, a mock turtleneck?) into sharply pressed black suit pants. Then he spoke:

“I’m not talking,” he said, contradicting himself. “I’ve been nice to you for long enough. Now y’all started crap. I’m not talking. Atlanta writers only.”

Jones was angry, apparently, about a story that ran in the New York Post involving Alex Rodriguez and the nation-wide steroid witchhunt. To punish one writer — or more accurately, one headline writer — Chipper elected not to speak to any of them. It makes sense. Have you ever gotten a subpar sandwich from a deli? What other reasonable response could there be than to swear off delis altogether, forgoing any delicious sandwiches you might have found elsewhere?

Because I wanted to write a post that presented Chipper’s achievements — if not the man himself — in a positive light. I can’t, though, and I’m glad for it….

Now, I can continue to despise this fixture in the Braves lineup. I can revile his beady little eyes and moronic chin goatee all I want, without any guilt. And the next time the Braves come to town, you better believe I’ll be leading the chorus:

Lar-ry! Lar-ry!

If what Chipper’s supposedly saying is true, Larry Jones will likely walk out of the Mets’ home park for the last time on Sept. 19. I will be there.

Granted, it’s even money Chipper will be hurt then, and there’s always a chance the two teams will meet again in the playoffs. But I want to see how the Shea Faithful send Chipper off. Will he get the ovation Reggie Miller received at Madison Square Garden? Or will he suffer one last round of “Lar-ry” jeers?

7 thoughts on “Larry’s last hurrah

  1. Jeers, Boos, and hopefully a crushing Mets win. I hope they throw batteries at him in his last hurrah at Citizen’s Bank Park.

  2. He’ll get an ovation, as well as a nice rendition of Lar-rys. If I were there, I’d be on my feet applauding, definitely. It’s quite a special relationship we have with Larry.

    I think you can’t hold that one night against him though. Petey did the same thing in Boston, although with of course far more hilarity, when he roped off his locker with police tape and said no New York reporters were allowed. I imagine if I had to face the NY press mob every night, I might throw a tantrum once or twice.

    (Which is not to say Chipper’s not an ass. He may well be. I generally suppose it’s more likely than not with professional athletes, and I’ve seen no overwhelming evidence to suggest that he’s not.)

    • Yeah, I’ll probably applaud him too. And I don’t blame him for that one night thing anymore — I’ve seen enough innocent quotes spun into nonsense at this point to understand why an athlete would get frustrated with the press.

      I think I would probably throw tantrums pretty frequently too. Also, I’d definitely do what a couple of ex-players have told me they did: “anonymously” leak made-up information to reporters just to see how far they take the story.

  3. i think it would be funny if in larry’s last inning in the field he’s waving to everyone and theres a smattering of cheers and some boos (me) and then, by accident his pants falls down and larry’s wearing pink women’s panties and everyone laughs at him and larry starts crying and saying ‘i am who i am’ and then accidentally swallows his tobacco plug and starts throwing up everywhere and then runs off the field (with his pants still around his ankles so it looks ridiculous) and then it’s revealed that he’s a communist and he moves to siberia and is never heard from again.

    so i’ll have my fingers crossed!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s