Rocky, the musical version of the Oscar-winning boxing movie, will get its world premiere at the Operettenhaus in Hamburg, Germany, in November 2012, producers Stage Entertainment, Sylvester Stallone and Vitali & Wladimir Klitschko announced….

Steven Hoggett (Black Watch, American Idiot, Peter and the Starcatcher, Once) will handle the boxing choreography. Kelly Devine (Rock of Ages) is choreographer of the more traditional musical numbers in the show that composer Flaherty called a kind of “visceral …street opera.” In addition to offering intimate songs, the show also has its moments of “gladiatorial spectacle,” Timbers said on camera….

The production (to premiere using the German language) is billed on the Stage Entertainment website as Rocky, Das Musical, Fight From the Heart.

– Kenneth Jones, Playbill.com.

Sometimes you just want to excerpt the whole article. Holy hell.

OK so maybe I’m reading this wrong, but please tell me this means there’s soon going to be a production of a musical version of Rocky called Rocky, Das Musical IN GERMAN produced in part by Sly Stallone and the Klitschkos featuring “Eye of the Tiger” and described by its composer as a “visceral street opera.”

You all saw that too, right? This isn’t just like one of those I-swear-I-saw-Sasquatch-in-the-corner-of-my-eye things, right?

Right?

And please, please tell me you have booked me a flight to Hamburg for next November, where we will laugh and sing and eat sausage and drink beer from steins and enjoy the world’s first and foremost Rocky-inspired “gladiatorial spectacle.”

Mmm, Hamburg.

Also, if this is eventually coming to Broadway, they’re going to need a star who can sing in an Italian accent, and preferably in the Rocky voice. I mean, you figure that’s non-negotiable. Some Julliard-trained twit steps on stage as Rocky and belts out heartfelt duets with Paulie in a pitch-perfect but silken Midwestern baritone and half the house is walking out, I promise you that.

No audience is more hellbent on authenticity than the contemporary Broadway crowd. It’s an underreported fact that during previews for The Addams Family a deranged madman fired on Nathan Lane for portraying Gomez with a slight Andalusian accent instead of the traditional Castilian.

Point being, if they’re looking for someone to convincingly sing in an Italian accent, I’m your guy. I’ve only been in two musicals in my life but both times I played a character that sung in an Italian accent. Neither sounded like Sly, but I’ll work on it. And as for the fight choreography, I’m a terrible dancer. But if you mean to make it anything like Rocky, I assume you’ll want your star at the business end of an almost inconceivable number of poorly defended headshots. I can do that too. People love punching me in the face.

Also, if that doesn’t pan out: What about Rocky, Das Musical: The Musical? It’s a musical about making a German musical version of Rocky. Crazy meta. It’ll kill on off-off-Broadway. I can be the guy who plays Rocky in the play within the play. Give me a couple of months to get in shape. If you want to film training montages let me know.

Huge hat tip to Meredith for the news.