Here’s today’s back cover of the Daily News:

Beltway… TO HELL! It makes sense because the Nationals play inside D.C.’s famous beltway, and hell is an afterlife of suffering and punishment in various religions and mythologies. Also, the D.C. beltway around 4:30 p.m. on a Friday afternoon is a reasonable candidate to be considered some lesser hell on earth. One time I sat parked in traffic for so long that a bird landed on the hood of my car. It was about the most frustrating thing imaginable, and I started slamming on my windshield all like, “GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID F—ING BIRD!”

A three-game series of baseball games in June between teams separated by a half a game at the top of their division doesn’t seem like hell to me, but then everything is relative.

Yesterday’s DailyNews.com frontpage featured headlines that included, “Cannibal porn actor busted,” “Bear that ate murderer euthanized” and “Flesh-eating bacteria attacks grandma.” Maybe now that the Post is a full dollar, the Daily News is just going for it.