Friday Q&A, pt. 2: Food stuff

Well, as mentioned, I’d definitely want some time alone in the Taco Bell test kitchen before I did anything. But I’ve long hungered for something I’d call the Magma Gordita Crunch. It’s basically a Cheesy Gordita Crunch and Volcano Taco hybrid.

The issue is, Taco Bell doesn’t often put multiple sauces on the same taco-sized item, so you’d have to get creative to get the Lava Sauce and the Zesty Pepper Jack Sauce — both of which are crucial to my enjoyment of this item — into the same thing. The way I figure it, you start with the Gordita shell, but instead of using the yellow-and-white MexiMelt cheese to attach it to the inner taco, you use the Lava Sauce. Then you stick the red taco shell inside, with ground beef, cheese, lettuce and Zesty Pepper Jack Sauce. So it’s not as simple as a Volcano Taco inside a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

Again, to reiterate in case Taco Bell is listening: Gordita shell, then Lava Sauce, then red crunchy taco shell, then seasoned beef, cheese, lettuce and Zesty Pepper Jack Sauce. No need to credit me or anything if you want to pretend it’s your own idea, but a shoutout on Twitter would be cool. And I have experience in fast-food commercials.

Are we talking about sandwiches from Kosher delis or just sandwiches featuring a combination of ingredients that are Kosher? If it’s the latter, it almost has to be some sort of barbecue brisket sandwich. Brisket, when prepared correctly, is amazing and moist and delicious and requires no cheese. The best brisket I know of in New York City is at Hill Country, but I’m anxiously awaiting the coming of BrisketTown.

If we’re talking about sandwiches from Kosher delis, I’m not sure. I tend to find the traditional, New York City-style overstuffed pastrami sandwiches a bit overrated and usually way overpriced — especially at touristy mainstays like Katz’s and the Carnegie Deli. I’ve heard great things about the Second Ave. Deli and I’ve been meaning to try it but I haven’t yet.

Are we counting those hot dogs inside knishes from Ben’s Kosher Deli as a sandwich? Hush Puppies I think. If so, it’s that. What a concept.

Good question. I can’t answer this with much confidence because typically when I travel I try to eat the best available local delicacies in every city, and it’s rare that those are at the ballpark. So the only places where I feel like I know the food inside and out are Citi Field and Digital Domain Park in Port St. Lucie. Off the top of my head, I’m going to put it like this:

5. Chicken-fried Steak sandwich at the Ballpark in Arlington: I don’t even remember if it was good, but I remember that it was a chicken-fried steak sandwich.

4. Pretzel at Digital Domain Park in Port St. Lucie: I think about these whenever I see hot pretzels sold elsewhere. Specifically, I think: “That hot pretzel is not going to be nearly as good as the one at Digital Domain Park.” It’s not the pretzel itself, it’s the way it’s prepared: Grilled over charcoal, served piping hot, salted to order. So good. Now I’m thinking about them again.

3. Chili Half Smoke from Ben’s Chili Bowl, Nats Park: I haven’t actually been to the Ben’s location at the ballpark, but I love Ben’s half smokes so much that I assume they’re awesome everywhere.

2. Single Shackburger, Citi Field and elsewhere: I practically never get it anymore due to the lines, the availability of Shake Shack near my home, and the array of other options at Citi Field. They’re so good though.

1. Corn on the Cob, Peoria: I’ve written about this before. In the midst of a three-week, 5,000-mile baseball road trip during one of the worst heatwaves the Midwest had ever seen, my friends and I went to a Peoria Chiefs game. We had all eaten a ton of fast food and ballpark fare on the road and my insides felt like they were revolting against me. Out in the right field corner of the stands, they were roasting fresh corn. It was the first non-processed, non-fried food I ate in weeks, and it was absolutely amazing.

No, because sandwiches don’t have mouths or stomachs or consciousness. But otherwise, probably. I’d make a delicious sandwich. I suspect I’m not Kosher though.

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