Beans, most definitely. Actually, when I make chili I typically use five 15 oz. cans of beans and go for the broadest variety I can — black, dark kidney, light kidney, pinto. This seems like as good a time as any to point people to my very easy chili recipe, which I revisited just a couple of weeks ago to delicious results.

So is El Hefe from NOFX out for not really being their lead singer proper, even if he does vocals? Because then we could all run wild with the Bad News Bears rumor. Plus he does good impressions. Assuming Zombie Sid Vicious is also not an option, I’ll go with Glenn Danzig. Is that a copout? Sorry if it is, but basically the very concept of Glenn Danzig makes me chuckle a little, so I’d definitely watch any TV show he showed up in. Hopefully it’d be a courtroom procedural with Danzig as the maverick lawyer who plays by his own rules.

As long as it keeps benefiting me, I’m cool with it. I hang out in Brooklyn a lot because I play baseball there and a lot of my friends live there, so if a trend of Manhattanites or anyone else traveling to Brooklyn to eat delicious food means more delicious food available near where I hang out, great.  For that matter, if anyone wants to start convincing people that the Rockefeller Center region or the East 80s along 1st and 2nd avenues are new hotbeds of foodie activity, I’d appreciate that.

I actually work very hard every day to make sure I am never reduced to a situation wherein I need to become a professional slamball player. Don’t get me wrong: It looks amazingly fun, and I don’t fault anyone who pursues a career in slamball for that reason. It’s the type of thing I’d really love to try one time. But it also seems like a particularly terrifying way to make a living, given how dangerous I’m guessing it is. Is slamball dangerous? Do slamball players even get guaranteed contracts, or are they in it for the love of the game?

Of the major national chains, it’s Wendy’s, with a slight nod to White Castle for its once-every-three-years deliciousness. That’s assuming you’re not counting the high-end fast-food places like Five Guys and Shake Shack, though, and regional must-tastes like Culver’s, Good Times, Bojangles and Cookout. Oh man, I disgust myself sometimes. Whatever. I regret nothing.