A lot. Man, I hate running. I don’t hate cardio-vascular exercise so much, though I hardly do enough of it. I can get on the elliptical for an hour or ride 20 miles on my bike and actually enjoy it. And I love walking. But the idea of running even a mile is so distasteful to me that I can’t imagine enduring 26.2 of them without some life-changing reward.
I suspect the issue is two-fold. For one thing, I played football for 10 years and I am and always have been a massive wiseass. And when you’re a massive wiseass to football coaches, you are punished by being forced to run laps. Since my formative years, running has always felt like a punishment or at the very least like a chore.
Second, I’m awful at it. I’m so slow, and when you run as poorly as I do, it feels awkward and terrible. In high school I ran enough to make myself passable for football purposes, but now that I never have much reason to run, I get progressively worse at it every year. I still maintain other physical strengths and skills, so I’m cool with it. But in a fight-or-flight scenario, I’m definitely fighting.
So, offhand, I’d say it’d probably take the promise of about $25,000 to convince me to train for and complete a marathon. But if for some stupid reason anybody’s willing to offer up that much, I might very well up my rate or guilt you into giving it to charity.
I discuss this a lot. Everyone says the Chrysler Building and some people even suggest the Chrysler Building is underrated, but I think the Chrysler Building is adequately rated. If New York City were a chessboard, the Chrysler Building would be the queen. It’s easily the prettiest of the very tall buildings, and it is without a doubt very shiny and awesome. Plus, it’s a useful landmark for anyone looking for Grand Central Station and it doesn’t get enough credit for its use of automobile-inspired gargoyles.
But for me, it’s the king, baby, the king. Empire State Building or GTFO. And you might think that’s cliched, except no one ever says the Empire State Building even though it’s clearly the best building. Look at that thing! That’s what massive buildings should look like. None of this asymmetrical, post-modern b.s. for the most identifiable building in the center of the biggest city in the country, just towering, tapering art-deco glory. It’s monumental.
Even the name is perfect: Empire State Building. That’s f-ing right. What’s the name of the tallest building in Chicago? The Willis Tower? What the hell is that?
The only disappointing thing about the Empire State Building is that its mast was initially (supposedly) intended to be a dirigible docking station, which never happened. If it did, this blog wouldn’t exist, as I’d long since have been fired for spending all of my time at my desk watching the airships come and go.
Also, if you live here and you haven’t been up to the Empire State Building’s observation deck, you should probably get on that. It’s expensive and touristy, obviously, but it’s exciting as anything.
Other buildings in New York City that I like include the Woolworth Building and the irrepressibly creepy American Radiator Building. And I don’t typically have much patience for Frank Gehry but I do really like the IAC Building in Chelsea.
Let’s see: No, maybe, definitely, and no. And thanks. But our living room’s tight to begin with and it could be crowded right now due to some displaced family, so you’d probably have to sit on our Shea Stadium seats. That doesn’t sound terrible, but they’re not anchored down, so if you lean forward they topple over and dump you out on the floor. Happens all the time. Still funny when it does.
A long time. There might still be some in the crevices of my ear. And I’ve got Tobias Funke stuff happening in my apartment: I keep finding yellow handprints in random places.