Mark Sanchez coached the DirecTV Celebrity Beach Bowl on Saturday. His team won, because Mark Sanchez is a winner. They triumphed despite carrying dead weight in the form of most of the cast of Gossip Girl, because Mark Sanchez’s Celebrity Beach coaching is just that shrewd.

(The game featured numerous beautiful celebrities I have never heard of. They just keep churning out beautiful celebrities. Then I go to their Wikipedia pages and find out they were born in years I remember. When I was young, I had no idea 29 was so old.)

That night, Mark Sanchez went to a Maxim Magazine pre-Super Bowl party where, according to the Daily News, he had “lots of ladies fawning over him,” then left with Kristin Cavallari from The Hills.

Ladies, you’re important to Mark Sanchez:

SNY.tv has you totally covered on The Great Rex Ryan Middle Finger Incident of 2010, and I’d be remiss if I covered a full day of middle-finger related items without linking to Mike Salfino’s excellent take on the matter:

You suffer with your fans and customers when you conduct yourself privately in a way that is opposite of your public persona. Think Tiger Woods. Rex’s public persona, though, is exactly that of a guy who will give it back to you if you get in his grill and hurl obscenities at him. He’s not selling himself as some moral disciplinarian. If Tom Coughlin did this, there would be hell to pay for him and the Giants. Plus, the Giants are selling class and pedigree — blue blood as much as Big Blue.

Mike determines — accurately, I think — that Rex is basically a Jets fan like the rest of us. A big, brash, New Jersey guy (a transplant, granted, but clearly with a New Jersey-guy attitude) that everyone expects and wants to flip the bird to Dolphins fans that taunt him.

Good.

So in conclusion, Rex Ryan is still awesome and flipping people off is still funny, and I’m not really sure why anybody would get broken up about it. Blah, blah, blah, he’s a public figure, he needs to concern himself with his appearance. Whatever. If he were concerned with his appearance, he probably wouldn’t eat 7000 calories a day. Rex Ryan’s got your public appearance right here, buddy.

I got no response from my PETA-baiting last week, so maybe this will help. This image comes courtesy of Pavan, and I believe it speaks for itself:

Note: TedQuarters does not officially endorse eating dolphins because I live in fear of the dolphin uprising.

So Rex Ryan gave the finger to a bunch of Dolphins fans yesterday at a MMA event outside Miami. This made the back cover of the Daily News, Post and Newsday, because we’re apparently supposed to be all broken up and sanctimonious about it.

What I don’t get is exactly which Jets fan that loves Rex Ryan will suddenly stop loving Rex Ryan because he flipped off some Dolphins fans. Look at that guy. Look at that finger. What a hero.

Rumors that he wasn’t trying to offend anyone but merely admiring how much his finger resembled a sausage are still unconfirmed.

Anyway, as a salute to Rex Ryan and his one-finger salute, and in tribute to me learning that it’s apparently cool to show unblurred pictures of people giving the finger in respectable news outlets like the New York Post, today all of the content on TedQuarters will focus on the middle finger.

For now, enjoy the Best of Rex, courtesy of our SNY.tv video crew. No middle fingers, sadly, but some pretty great moments regardless:

Here’s what SNY.tv looked like this morning. Maybe we should have broadened our focus on our Jets follow-ups:

So the Jets lost yesterday.

When it appeared they were dominating the Colts in the first half, Peyton Manning was actually scanning and processing and belying his visage for like the millionth straight game. Manning is like the world’s goofiest-looking velociraptor, except his talons are perfect passes that tear through whatever soft spot is left undefended, ripping secondaries to shreds.

And so whatever. Manning is awesome. Late in the first half, he had the Jets’ defense back on its heels and by the second half, the secondary was clearly a bit overwhelmed. After Shonn Greene got hurt, the Jets’ offense couldn’t pick up first downs and eat game clock, so they fell behind quickly with no real hope of regaining the lead.

So it goes. The Jets lost to a better team.

The good news is that the Jets have a whole lot to look forward to, it seems, thanks to a brash and promising head coach and a whole bunch of excellent young homegrown players upon which to build.

That’s refreshing, and I imagine a big reason why very few of the Jets fans I’ve spoken to are broken up about the loss yesterday. Everyone’s just excited for next season, which is a strange, strange sensation for Jets fans.

Anyway, here’s me and Bassett discussing the game:

I’ve got nothing, so here’s Mark Sanchez on the phone, one more time:

Uhh… hello? Yes, this is Mark Sanchez. Coach? TODAY!??? No, I’m not prepared at all — I’m boating! Yeah, I’m out on my boat, wearing some tight white jeans, very sexily answering the phone. Yeah, I guess I could make it to Indy, but we’re going to have to port first.

Bags under my eyes= tired of thinking about the Mets.

According to this New York Post article, Rex Ryan consumes about 7000 calories a day.

Awesome. Disgusting, but awesome.

Here are some ways you could indulge in 7000 calories a day. These are all rough estimates:

Plan 1: The Bacon Day

Breakfast
Two eggs with bacon and cheese on a roll with ketchup and hot sauce. Starbucks whole milk Venti Latte. 16 oz. glass of OJ. Total: 1100 calories.

Lunch
Wendy’s Triple Baconator, large fries, large Frosty dairy dessert, large Dr. Pepper. Total: 2700 calories.

Snack
10 slices of bacon. Total: 500 calories.

Dinner
1/2 of a bacon explosion, can of Coke. Total: 2700 calories.

Plan 2: All Taco Bell

Breakfast*
Grande Breakfast Burrito, Breakfast Quesadilla with Sausage, Hash Brown Nuggets. Total: 1130 calories.

Lunch
Two Volcano Tacos, a Baja Beef Gordita, one order of Nachos BellGrande, one order of Cinnamon Twists and a large Pepsi. Total: 2100 Calories.

Dinner
Two Crunchy Tacos, a Crunchwrap Supreme, a Grilled Stuft Burrito, a 1/2-pound Nacho Crunch Burrito, a Caramel Apple Empanada and a large Pepsi. Total: 2700 calories.

Fourthmeal
An order of Volcano Nachos and a Crunchy Taco. Total: 1150 calories.

*- At participating locations in test markets only.

Plan 3: Just a bunch of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

All day long
35 Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

Plan 4: One meal at Outback Steakhouse

Appetizer
Bloomin’ Onion. Total: 1560 calories

Main course
Baby Back Ribs with Aussie Fries. Total: 2310 Calories.

Drinks
1219 Calories worth of casual-dining awesomeness to get you drunk enough to make you forget you’re consuming 7000 calories in one sitting at Outback Steakhouse. No rules, just right.

Dessert
Chocolate Thunder from Down Under. Total: 1911 Calories.

Alright, I’ve spent way too much time on this. Enjoy thinking about eating 7000 calories a day.