Faith in humanity restored

A long time ago my friend Jake and I cast the Taco Bell Wiki, linked here, into the Internet ether, assuming the world would appreciate our idea as much as we did and the Taco Bell Wiki would be edited appropriately. Instead, some jackass vandalized the Taco Bell Wiki — in a completely humorless manner, I should add — and defiled a photo of humanitarian and taco innovator Glen Bell. Today Jake reported that some heroic soul has fixed the Wiki and began editing it again. It’s now got 95 pages and counting.

Secret restaurant menus revealed

I think some of this is B.S., but some of it is interesting — most notably the Barnyard from Wendy’s. The Wendy’s near my house is a particularly excellent one, and maybe they traffic in that type of decadence. Also my buddy used to work at a Friday’s and they had all sorts of stuff in their computer that they could make for you that wasn’t on the menu. Problem was it all tasted like everything else from Friday’s. Link courtesy Eno Sarris, who keeps coming up today. 

Sizzle, steam, smash!

Far away from a customer base in the United States that knows the delights and agonies of late-night taco dining, paid for entirely with pocket change, Taco Bell seeks a higher level of trendiness in South Korea. The new store’s menu appears on an LED board. Wall hangings display a succession of culinary mood words: sizzle, steam, smash….

It remains to be seen whether Taco Bell will prosper here, or elsewhere in Asia, over the long term. Since Taco Bell last existed here 15 years ago, little has fundamentally changed in the way people eat. What’s different is how they decide where to eat. In the world’s most wired country, two of every five people, according to some estimates, maintain a blog. One of South Korea’s preeminent search engines, Naver, has a special category for “powerbloggers,” many of whom love writing about food. Taco Bell has held special events for these bloggers, hoping to win their approval.

Chico Harlan, Washington Post.

Taco Bell pilgrimage, anyone?

I’m a little put off to hear that Taco Bell sees the need to hold special events for the so-called “powerbloggers” of Seoul while I’m here doing all this stuff to promote their brand and they do nothing for me. Where’s my special event? Where’s my three-story Taco Bell with fancy LED menus and food-mood buzzwords plastered all over the walls? I’m stuck with the Worst Taco Bell in the World in Elmsford, N.Y., where I sometimes wait 18-minutes at the drive-thru and never, EVER get a red shell on my Volcano Taco.

But, all that said, here’s to Taco Bell’s success overseas. This is obviously a big step toward winning the Franchise Wars.

Also, Chico Harlan sighting.

Amazing

At long last, the second installment of the Super Delicious Ingredient Force series. These are… wow. It’s like someone at Taco Bell is targeting an ad campaign specifically at me, ironic because they already have me locked up. It’s perfect.

The greatest moment in TedQuarters history

I missed Hard Knocks last night — I was TiVoing it in favor of the Mets game — but I’m told that Mark Sanchez was wearing a Taco Bell hat during one scene in a team meeting.

This, the intersection of Taco Bell and Mark Sanchez, is obviously the greatest moment in TedQuarters history. If someone can send me a screengrab or something, that would be tremendous. Until then, I’m just going to assume it looked like this:

Based on a Google Image search, that is by far the most common type of Taco Bell hat so I’m just going to go ahead and figure it’s the one Mark Sanchez was wearing. Also, if anyone has this or any other type of Taco Bell hat, please email me and we can negotiate a price.

And furthermore, one of the other Google Image returns for “Taco Bell Hat” is this photo, one of the more conflicting and terrifying images I’ve ever seen.

From the TedQuarters mailbag

Bryan writes:

Hey Ted, you ever think about doing a mailbag feature? I know it’s kind of become a Bill Simmons trademark, but I feel like the TedQuarters mailbag would be hilarious. Maybe you could call it something else, put your own spin on it . . . I would be stoked to read such a post/series.

Well here you go. I thought about making this entire mailbag post consist of emails from readers requesting mailbag posts because a very high percentage of my reader emails do just that. I’m totally down — actually, I’ve done this once before. It’s just that I kind of space out and respond directly to most of my emails instead of posting responses here. My bad.

(And if I don’t respond ever, then that’s a double my-bad. I try to get to everything. Problem is I get a ton of emails — not because I’m special, just because I’m on a ton of silly distribution lists. So if I don’t reply it’s probably because your email came between a Red Bulls press release and a flurry of quote sheets from the Giants.)

There’s a contact form on the site now and a lot of you have been using that, so keep it up and I’ll do more of these. And please, feel free to send forth any random questions you’d like. I have opinions on nearly everything and I’m willing to formulate opinions on everything else. And tips to awesome stuff. I really appreciate tips to awesome stuff.

As for a name, I don’t know. I went with the above title because I couldn’t come up with anything more clever on a Friday afternoon. And as for my own spin, I’m not sure. My own spin is that I write it, I think. So it will most likely contain stuff about Taco Bell. Speaking of:

Catsmeat (who has a real name) writes:

I finally had my crack at the carnitas from Taco Bell.  Sorely disappointed and, frankly, a little grossed out.  It was a lot like the picture you posted on the blog — a nasty mess.  They even skipped out on the corn tortillas and left me with the regular flour tortilla, which was quite a travesty.  I’m also not impressed that I asked for carnitas and the girl looked at me and said: “Do you want the steak, pork or chicken carnitas?”  Sigh, Taco Bell.  Sigh.

Dude, our experiences could not have been more similar. Honestly, I’ve been mustering up the strength to write about the carnitas cantina taco for a couple weeks now, but it was just so underwhelming that I haven’t found the time.

Basically, it was exactly what Seth “Ted” Samuels described. Maybe worse. A pile of flavorless, unpleasant-smelling stringy pork in some sort of goo, overwhelmed by the onion salsa on top. Unlike Catsmeat, I got the appropriate corn tortillas, but they were dry, spongy and also flavorless.

And I also had trouble ordering! I figured it was because my local Taco Bell is the worst Taco Bell in the world, but Catsmeat has previously boasted a good local Taco Bell. Yikes. You’d think Taco Bell would have its employees adequately prepared to serve such a revolutionary new product. But the voice on the other end of the drive-thru menu acted like it had never even heard of the Carnitas Cantina Taco before. Also “Carnitas Cantina Taco” is very difficult to say.

Honestly, I didn’t even finish the thing. That is a terrible, terrible sign for a Taco Bell product. I even polished off the Pacific Shrimp Taco when I took it out for a test drive, even though it wasn’t exactly my thing. Plus — like always — the Volcano Taco I ordered came in a plain, yellow crunchy taco shell.

I really don’t even know what’s going on down there. I’m concerned that standards have slipped since the passing of Glen Bell.

Danny writes:

There’s some funky building in the works in Taiwan, with strange bulges in and out of it. And it’s called…TED!

Holy crap, what is that thing? I don’t know, but I know it’s awesome. The link within the link mentions that it’s “evocative of a mushroom,” and I’d say, ahh, which kind do you mean there, Mr. Huxley?

Also that ampitheater on top? Probably a badass place to take in a show, except that the renderings alone make my head hurt. Plus there’s almost no way that thing’s not going to leak. Whatever, that’s fine. Awesomeism in architecture never called for any sort of utilitarian design. It’s the opposite of that.

Wait a minute, hold on. Team Ted co-founder Ted Burke points out that this has to be some sort of practical joke: The design firm’s website is big.dk.