A plea for bacon at Shake Shack

Drew Magary at Deadspin wonders why Shake Shack does not offer bacon. Language predictably NSFW.

It’s a valid question. Readers of this site must know how I feel about bacon, what with the way I write about bacon like once a week and talk about it in nearly every podcast and even smoked my own bacon that one time. But oddly, I’ve never finished a Shake Shack burger and thought, “man, I really wish that had bacon.”

I’ve certainly wished bacon was available at Shake Shack while looking at the menu board, because immediately when I see a list of burgers my instinct is to scroll down until I see mention of bacon. But everything about the Shackburger feels so perfect when I’m eating it that I never want anything additional that might throw off its delicate balance of awesomeness.

For what it’s worth — and to demonstrate my commitment to bacon cheeseburgers, lest it be doubted — I remember the first time I ever ate a bacon cheeseburger. I was nine years old and eating at the Friendly’s in Manchester, Vermont with my family.

I often ordered bacon cheeseburgers before then. I really liked bacon and I really liked cheeseburgers, but my nine-year-old mind couldn’t process the idea that they might taste good in conjunction, so I’d pull the bacon off the cheeseburger and eat it as a delicious little appetizer. This particular time in Vermont, my brother noticed me pulling the bacon off and convinced me to try the cheeseburger with the bacon in place, and then… well, holy f@#$ing s@#$, that’s synergy.

The Friendly’s is still there, though I think it has been remodeled by now. I even remember where in the Friendly’s we were sitting that evening and how every member of my family was oriented at the table when it happened. Sort of a pivotal moment, you guys.

Sandwich of the Week?

A new take on an old feature, in part inspired by a conversation I had with Scanwiches creator Jon Chonko before our Q&A session a couple weeks ago. It turned out Jon and I had different definitions of what constituted a “sandwich,” and though I tried, I could not express what I thought made a sandwich a sandwich. I operate with a relatively liberal definition of the term, but I rely mostly on the ol’ Potter Stewart “I know it when I see it” instinct.

Anyway, since I fear much of the sandwich writing on this site is growing stagnant, and since I never intended the sandwich reviews to be mistaken for legitimate food-criticism so much as food appreciation and investigation, I figured I’d endeavor something a bit different in 2012: Eating and discussing various sandwichy foods and determining whether they are in fact sandwiches to work toward a distinct definition of the term.

A lofty, perhaps unobtainable and entirely semantic goal, I realize. But the truth is, nearly every man on my father’s side of my family besides me has been an architect or an engineer (the two exceptions are SCUBA divers, incidentally), and while the math part of those fields failed me, the appreciation for them did not. I suspect my sandwich-making success while employed at the deli came thanks in part to those engineering instincts, what with the sense of proportion and structure necessary to conceive and construct great sandwiches.

So I hope spending more time thinking about the way sandwiches are built — and the way non-sandwiches are built — can provide me further insight into how to build great sandwiches, which I will then also probably detail here because really I just don’t lead that interesting a life.

There’ll still be traditional TedQuarters sandwich reviews when appropriate, of course.

The candidate: K roll from Buddha BBeeQ, 2nd Ave. between 91st and 92nd in Manhattan.

The construction: Large piece of nori (seaweed) wrapped into a cone shape, stuffed with a layer of rice, marinated and grilled Korean beef, and assorted vegetables. I ordered mine “spicy,” which meant there was some thickish red hot sauce in there.

Arguments for sandwich-hood: The K Roll features meat (and vegetables) wrapped in starch and it can be eaten with the hands without too much mess.

Counter-arguments: With or without fish in there it’s pretty clearly sushi, and if you’re extending the definition of “sandwich” to include all sushi that can be picked up with the fingers, you’re heading down a foggy road on a dark night.

How it tastes: Kind of confusing, honestly. I like sushi, and I love the flavor that every Korean beef has that I still can’t put my finger on (seriously, can someone tell me what this flavor is?). But the K Roll takes some getting used to, because the seaweed on the outside brings you to the ocean and hands you a fishing pole, and then you reel in a cow and some pickled vegetables.

The beef tasted good and the proportion of beef to vegetables seemed about right, and it had about the right amount of spice to keep things interesting without getting out of hand.

But the texture seemed off: It required a lot of nori to keep the K Roll intact, so the outside layer was a bit chewier and filmier than I’d hoped. The Wikipedia entry for sushi stresses that temaki rolls — this style — should be eaten immediately after its prepared so the nori doesn’t lose its crispness. I took this home before eating it, so maybe that’s on me. Still, I only live a few blocks away.

There was also a lot of rice here, which works fine with sushi when you’re dipping it in soy sauce and wasabi and in burritos when it gets all mixed up with delicious burrito-stuff, but it made parts of the K Roll kind of dry. They included a packet of soy sauce with the order, so I shot that into the second roll, which made the rice wetter and the whole thing saltier and soy saucier and thus more delicious.

On the whole, pretty good, but not nearly the best thing I’ve had from Buddha BBeeQ, which has so far proven to be one of the better and more interesting takeout places in my new neighborhood.

What it’s worth: The K Roll cost $8. It’s a little small to be a full dinner for a hungry person. Probably the type of thing you want to order with an appetizer, or to share if you’re into the family-style thing. You can figure that stuff out though, you’re smart.

The verdict: Not a sandwich. Still a perfectly pleasant item of food, but I’d say that the nori/rice wrap is not close enough to bread to make this a sandwich. They’re too prevalent a part of the eating experience here, whereas I feel on a sandwich the bread is in most cases a complement to the ingredients contained therein (hence “a turkey sandwich on whole wheat” and not “a whole wheat sandwich with turkey”).

Again: Just because something isn’t a sandwich doesn’t mean it’s not good. Many of my favorite foods are not sandwiches. But since I’m now, as of today, in the business of figuring out what is and what is not a sandwich, we start with the determination that the K Roll decidedly is not.

Mets hire CRG Partners, Internet explodes

A source familiar with the situation has said that the Mets have hired CRG Partners — the turnaround consultants that handled the Rangers’ bankruptcy sale — and that a team sale with or without bankruptcy is on the table. The Mets have confirmed the hiring, stating that they have “engaged CRG Partners to provide services in connection with financial reporting and budgeting processes.”

Hiring turnaround consultants doesn’t necessarily mean that the team is specifically preparing for bankruptcy and a sale — consultants like these are brought in to figure out how a struggling business can become profitable — but it further underscores the Mets’ moribund financial situation. Also, a turnaround company typically gets only a modest fee if it comes in and merely makes recommendations; it has a considerable economic incentive to push for a huge sale when a sizable commission is in the offing.

Eno Sarris, AmazinAvenue.com.

So there’s that. The Mets confirmed their association with CRG about an hour after Eno published the story, lest you think all my skepticism regarding anonymous sources should fly out the window when the source speaks through someone whose work I clearly appreciate and link all the time — Sarris’ frequent and shameless blasting of Ruben Tejada notwithstanding.

By 6 a.m. this morning, I saw people suggesting the story was being overhyped and/or overblown, but I’d urge anyone thinking as much to read Eno’s original report. I think it’s being subjected to some undue criticism precisely because he took care to qualify everything and make sure he distinguished the facts from his speculation.

I’ll add only that the news shouldn’t really be all that surprising: It’s not exactly a secret that the Mets and their owners are in some pretty serious financial straits, so it makes a hell of a lot of sense for them to be engaging consultants experienced in those matters.

Overthinking things

Elite athletes’ ability to focus the brain might even explain their struggle to eloquently describe performance after the game. Like a starship captain diverting power from life support to bolster shields in a battle, professional athletes temporarily shut down the memory-forming regions of the brain so as to maximize activity in centers that guide movement.

“That’s why they usually thank God or their moms,” says cognitive psychologist Sian Beilock of the University of Chicago. “They don’t know what they did, so they don’t know what else to say.”

Nick Bascom, Science News.

Not to belabor the Hoyas’ win last night, but it’s hard to read that Science News excerpt without thinking of Hollis Thompson’s postgame quote about his tiebreaking three-pointer:

Um, I mean, I was open, and my teammates found me…. Honestly, I don’t remember.

The Science News article, which comes via Eno Sarris, is a good one but it mostly presents a bunch of evidence to corroborate things we already know from experience playing sports or from those same seemingly uninformative postgame interviews.

You’ll never hear a baseball player say after a walk-off home run that his secret was mentally running through all the potential ramifications of his at-bat while simultaneously considering the various intricacies of his swing mechanics and keeping conscious of the particular home-plate umpire’s strike zone and the pitcher’s arsenal and tendencies.

All of that information exists somewhere in his mind while he’s swinging, of course, but as the article asserts, it is his ability to process it and keep it in his subconscious during the actual important event that in part allows him to succeed.

Sometimes the cliches are cliched for a reason: You really don’t want to overthink things in sports. That’s for bloggers and experimental psychologists. The elite athletes are the ones who, on top of the physical gifts, have the ability to maintain focus on their tasks in spite of myriad pressures and exterior factors, and it’s really only when they waver that we notice it at all. Until then, we just snicker at the seeming meaninglessness of their postgame interviews without considering how we might gladly give up our presumed eloquence for their unfaltering control.

I’m still learning new things about Terry Crews

It’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of the actor Terry Crews. After seeing The Expendables, I wrote this:

Put The Expendables down on the list with every other movie ever made (except possibly Idiocracy) under the heading “Films that have underutilized Terry Crews.”

Don’t get me wrong, Crews was awesome in The Expendables, but there should have been way more of him. This man is a towering talent who needs a better vehicle. I’m not kidding. I watched every episode of Everybody Hates Chris only because of how amazing he was in it. He took a mediocre sitcom, put it on his giant shoulders and carried it into hilarity.

I feel like because he’s a huge, jacked black guy, Crews is doomed to get typecast in Tommy “Tiny” Lister Jr. roles. But he is clearly capable of so much more than that. I would go see Eat Pray Love on opening night if Terry Crews played the romantic male lead. Or the Julia Roberts part. Whatever. Dude is unbelievable.

Then before seeing Moneyball, I suggested it would have been better-served with Crews in a lead:

We don’t spend nearly enough time discussing how great Terry Crews is. I watched about a half hour of the movie White Chicks the other night because it had Terry Crews in it. Guy steals every scene he has ever been in.

But despite all my appreciation for the man’s appreciable talents, I did not know until today that Terry Crews actually spent seven years as an NFL defensive end. Blowing my mind right now. Da Vinci is blushing.