Adam Rubin expects both Sean Green and Bobby Parnell to open the season in Triple-A. Cool. I suggested that plan a week ago but assumed it’d never happen. Now the Mets just need to pick Kiko Calero over Jenrry Mejia and all will be well.

Patrick Flood has an excellent and lengthy writeup from the parking lot at what used to be Tradition Field.

Somewhere in the middle of the Venn diagram circles for weird, pathetic and hilarious falls this article. I’ve seen Battlefield Earth, incidentally.

I hope Joe Mauer got a .444 necklace.

This is a good story. I set out to make a joke about Ugueth Urbina, but after reading it, I don’t even want to. K-Rod seems like a good dude.

From reader Scott: Robbers hold up Taco Bell for food. Bad reporting, though. The story says they got “fried apple pies,” but I have to assume they got Caramel Apple Empanadas, which are delicious.

(Also, considering the longstanding urban legend that McDonald’s Apple Pies are loaded with potatoes, did anyone else find it a little bit suspicious that Taco Bell introduced Caramel Apple Empanadas at the exact same time they added all the potato products to the menu?)

Heath Bell is awesome.

The Mets are thinking about Chad Gaudin. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but maybe it’s “hey, remember that beard he had?” Also, it will never stop being funny to me that Cousin Mose from the Office is Ken Tremendous.

Toby Hyde does a whole lot of number crunching to conclude what he already knew about Jenrry Mejia’s Spring Training performance: It’s a tiny sample, and not enough of one to put him in a big-league relief role.

Courtesy of Shamik, here’s another reason to dislike Philadelphia. Also, how is this the first time I’ve heard Philly’s mayor is named Nutter?

For better, more detail-oriented and less-comatose writeups of the selections at the Mets’ eating event yesterday, check out what Sara has got up at Scoreboard Gourmet.

At the risk of revealing too much about my own personal politics, I don’t feel Prince should have to pay taxes. I think we should all pay taxes to Prince, and Prince should govern the land in a benevolent, funky dictatorship.

Things got a bit curmudgeonly on the Internet yesterday, and I failed to mention the awesome news: Jose Reyes is back in Mets camp.

Jerry Manuel now says Reyes will likely bat leadoff, meaning today’s lineup gives us a reasonable framework for what to expect this year. It is:

Angel Pagan
Luis Castillo
David Wright
Jason Bay
Daniel Murphy
Jeff Francoeur
Alex Cora
Rod Barajas
Johan Santana

I imagine that’s the Opening Day lineup if Reyes is still out. If Reyes is back, sub him in for Cora and flip-flop him and Pagan in the leadoff and seventh spots in the order. Murphy, as I guessed, hits in front of Francoeur to break up the right-handers.

OK, this guy? He should be thankful he has a Taco Bell that can pull off that substitution, even if it means he has to pay a few extra cents. Last night it took my area Taco Bell 14 minutes (!) to prepare a Volcano Taco and a Baja Beef Gordita at the drive-thru, and then the Volcano Taco — and this has now happened multiple times at this Taco Bell location — came in a regular crunchy Taco shell, not the red Volcano shell.

Remember my whole thing about how comparing Jenrry Mejia to Johan Santana was silly because Santana wasn’t particularly good as a reliever and then only became a good starter after time spent in Double-A refining his changeup? Omar Minaya doesn’t.

Has anyone been watching Life? It’s nuts. Every single shot is mindblowing. Here’s some stuff about it.

Someone named his horse Radiohead.

Toby Hyde respects my Beck reference. As he should. I never mention Houston without referencing the hot-dog dance.

Apparently Adam Rubin is going to ESPN New York. Good for him, bad for regular Daily News readers like myself.

Taco Bell taco sauce packets lead to marriage.

Nelson Figueroa seems confused by why he’s not getting a more serious look for the Mets roster. Me too.

“When they told me that I can have Mexican food, I was like, ‘I’m in, I’ll do it, I can survive now.'”

Mark Himmelstein proposes a compromise on the Jenrry Mejia situation. The problem: Who expects the Mets to follow through on any well-thought-out plan?

I’m going to watch the crap out of two forthcoming TV events: Life and Treme. Based on previous works by their creators, you probably should too.

You know what? I didn’t want to pay any attention to that jerk NCAA tournament for jerks anymore anyway. Jerks. Bah.

“The NBA rulebook clearly states that a player may not progress the ball by sliding into parallel dimensions.“

Two Post columnists take on the Jenrry Mejia debate. Kevin Kernan whiffs wildly, corkscrewing himself into the ground like Tsuyoshi Shinjo used to do. Joel Sherman knocks it out the park.

Speaking of the Post, I’m not sure there’s ever been a higher ratio of (headline hilarity) : (my interest in actually reading the story) than there is with today’s lead story “Sandra Bullock’s hubby in bike-shop ‘wild sex’ romps with ink-stained hellcat.”

I’m actually a little distraught that I saw the picture and learned they’re referring to a tattooed woman; I’d prefer to assume he had an affair with an actual feline from hell that was literally stained with ink.

The NFL should absolutely change its overtime rules and it’s crazy that it has taken so long.

Ken Rosenthal agrees that the Mets shouldn’t start the season with Jenrry Mejia in the Major League bullpen, but neglects to mention the big, overarching, Duh! Magazine reason that Patrick Flood spelled out last week: Starting pitchers are more valuable than relievers.

Joe Janish wonders why a spot somewhere on the Mets’ staff isn’t Nelson Figueroa’s to lose.

Last night’s Nets’ game story last night in the Daily News doesn’t even mention the game, and it’s pretty awesome. Great idea by Julian Garcia to dig up a guy from the team the Nets might best for worst ever.

Good feature on TedQuarters favorite Ubaldo Jimenez from Jeff Passan. Miguel Olivo floats the idea here, and I agree: Sleeper candidate for the 2010 NL Cy Young.

Dan Graziano’s right about everything here. The spat over who will open the new football stadium is silly, but Woody Johnson is correct to be angry that Roger Goodell held a coin toss without witnesses. The point of a coin toss is that everyone involved agrees it leaves the results up to random chance, but if no one’s there to see it, how can anyone know it’s random?

I wonder if in 4,000 years, some future race will see the abandoned skyscrapers of New York as “a vigorous forest of phallic symbols.”

David Roth weighs in on the whole Jenrry Mejia thing. This is shaping up to be a pretty fascinating — if still minor — example of the divide between the team’s fanbase and braintrust, and it’s interesting that there hasn’t been much noise from the papers about how Mejia-to-the-bullpen is a bad idea.