!

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The Savannah Sand Gnats are truly bringing the heat with a first-ever fire promotion at a minor league baseball game on Saturday, August 14 with Guinness World Record Holder, Ted Batchelor. After the Sand Gnats’ game against the Kannapolis Intimidators, which will begin at 6:05, and before the evening’s fireworks show, one lucky fan will light Batchelor on fire; he will then circle the bases at Historic Grayson Stadium.

Batchelor, 51, owns the Guinness World Record for the “Longest full-body burn without supplied oxygen” at 2 minutes, 57 seconds, set in Rome, Italy on February 25th, 2010. He and his crew also set the World Record for the “most people on fire simultaneously” at 17, on Pizak Farm in South Russell, OH, on September 20, 2009.

– Savannah Sand Gnats press release.

Wow, OK. A lot of stuff here. First of all, apparently people should now be considered “lucky” to light one another on fire. Second, even though this guy is practically begging for a Darwin Award, he’s probably awesome.

Guest poster/former roommate Ted Burke and I used to name worthy people named Ted to Team Ted, and banish people named Ted who we deemed unworthy to Team Melvin. Clearly Ted Batchelor makes Team Ted with flying colors. He appreciates fire.

Also — and excuse me if this is glib — I’m almost positive 17 is not the record for most people simultaneously on fire. Maybe it’s the record for most people simultaneously on fire on purpose, but I have a feeling the unfortunate women of the Triangle Shirtwaist factory would take issue with the benchmark.

And furthermore, good luck following “Dude running the bases while engulfed in flames,” Savannah-area pyrotechnics outfit. I have a feeling the fireworks show is going to be a bit of a letdown after they spark up Ted Batchelor.

Finally a visit to Mr. Batchelor’s website reveals that this is pretty much what he does for a living, and also this:

Ted Batchelor, a freshman radio-film major enjoys being dragged by trucks, setting himself on fire, sleeping in front of cars, eating glasses in bars and other unusual extracurricular activities.

Ahh… whatever you’re into, bro.

Hat tip to @mikexdavis for the tipoff.

Martino: Mets are too nice

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This is what characterizes the Phillies of this era, and what separates them from the Mets:

Swagger. Arrogance. Condescension toward opponents…

The collective personalities of both clubs are clear, and in direct contrast with one another. Wounded by divisional collapses in 2007 and 2008, the Mets lack a cocky culture of winning. This weekend, they will field a team comparable in talent to the Phillies, and filled with people you might rather have dinner with. And, sadly for the Mets, that is part of their problem.

– Andy Martino, N.Y. Daily News.

GAL:SJKHASD:KLJSDAL:JKASD.

OK, first of all, a column about the Mets’ attitude that doesn’t mention Jeff Francoeur even once. That’s somehow notable.

The players Martino singles out? Well, Jesus Feliciano and Chris Carter, of course — because, you know, there’s not a single nice guy on the Phillies bench. Ross Gload? Massive a**hole. Wilson Valdez? Shanked Greg Dobbs in the clubhouse after he struck out twice earlier this week.

Potshots are also directed at “kindly giant” Mike Pelfrey and “pleasantly spacey” Jose Reyes.

Meanwhile, this part gets one line. One line:

While the roster is not the deepest, the Mets have never wanted for championship-level talent.

Emphasis mine.

And look: Maybe the Mets’ attitude is not a winning one. What do I know? Sure, everyone cited JUST THAT a month ago, back when the Mets were winning, but now that Carlos Beltran’s back it’s making the rest of the Mets too nice or something. Not Beltran himself — he’s too focused, too serious. But that’s different from wanting to win like the Phillies do.