Jose! Jose, Jose, Jose! Jose, Jose!
Awesomestock concludes awesomely
5
Culture Jammin’: Beck
Outside of the occasional Youtube link to a sweet song, I rarely dedicate much space here to music I enjoy unequivocally. Unironically discussing matters of taste on the Internet is a tricky thing since it opens you up for all sorts of criticism from those who might deem your opinions lame or lousy or somehow philistine.
But I can say without shame that Beck is awesome. When I was 14, my dad drove me and a friend to Lollapalooza on Randall’s Island, then sat in the grandstand in khaki pants reading a Smithsonian and looking like the world’s worst undercover narc.
I went down near the front to catch the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, then figured I’d stay up there for Beck just because I thought “Loser” was a pretty cool song. But it turned out Beck could bring it, dancing and playing guitar, rapping and singing, everything.
Then Odelay came out the next year — the one with “Where It’s At” and “Devil’s Haircut” — and swiftly became one of my favorite albums ever, as it remains.
It’s always hard to quantify exactly what I like about music since music’s such an innately abstract thing. But with Beck, I’m pretty sure the thing I most appreciate is his control over the medium.
This is a common thread among my heroes in all art forms: Kurt Vonnegut, Johan Santana, Prince, Charlie Kaufman. They all exhibit a sense of manipulation, like puppet masters pulling strings, demonstrating complete command over their output. Not just creative minds, creative masterminds.
Check out “Nicotine and Gravy,” from the wildly underrated Midnite Vultures. The payoff near the end is one of my favorite musical moments. Oh, by the way, the main part and the double-time part sync up perfectly, because I’m Beck and I’m just this good at making music, so now I’m going to drop it on you all at once.
To quote the great Bob Slydell, I celebrate the guy’s entire collection. I don’t really listen to Beck’s newer stuff as much as the amazing three-album run from 1996-2001, but I’m willing to defer to Beck on matters of taste. If Beck thinks the stuff on Modern Guilt was good enough to publish, it’s probably pretty awesome, even if it doesn’t appeal to me that much.
Also, another cool thing about Beck is this Latin version of “Jackass:”
Mark Sanchez learning handsomely
Offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer’s top priority this offseason was to improve Sanchez’s understanding of protections.
“Mark knew the protections last year, but he didn’t really know the protections,” Schottenheimer told me. “He didn’t really know all the issues that came with the protections. That’s not unlike most young quarterbacks. So we’re trying to make him get caught up with that.”…
Schottenheimer admitted that Sanchez would have received a 75-80 grade on that test last week.
Now, here’s the amazing part: “If you gave that test to Mark at the end of the season,” Schottenheimer said, “he probably would have gotten a 50 or a 40.”
– Manish Mehta, N.Y. Daily News.
If you thought Awesomestock was going to fly by without one mention of the Sanchize, well, welcome aboard, new reader. We’re talking about the quarterback OF THE FUTURE here, the white-pants wearing, boat-phone owning, celebrity bedding, potential secret Jonas Brother.
And if you thought Mark Sanchez would be content just sleeping with models atop big piles of money and enjoying all the spoils of a relatively successful rookie season, you’re wrong again.
Even while recovering from offseason knee surgery — ahead of schedule, of course — Sanchez has committed himself to learning. Handsomely learning.
All sports have their own unique set of intricacies, but I think the details of football — especially offensive football — are all too frequently overlooked by even the NFL Sunday Ticket set, the sport’s most hardcore devotees. The Mets can score runs with half their lineup not hitting and the Knicks can put up points with some scrubs on the floor, but no football team will ever move the ball reliably without all 11 men on the field executing on every play.
I’m biased because I played and coached football with more success than I ever did any other sport, but I can vouch for the fact that learning everything about a scheme — specifically every player’s assignment, as Sanchez is working to do — makes any football player much, much better.
Plenty of guys will always be content to know only their own responsibilities and with enough raw talent that should be enough to get them by. But those of us without overwhelming physical gifts stand to hugely benefit from a thorough understanding of an offense. Knowing not just what every player on the field should be doing, but why he is doing it helps a player better recognize what to do in the event something goes wrong, since plenty of plays fail to go exactly according to plan.
If Sanchez is really studying like this story makes it seem, he should have a better sense of how to adjust when a lineman misses a block and where to scramble when the protection starts to break down.
Sexily scramble.
Look at this man. He had to put down his flash cards just to answer this phone call. Stop disturbing Mark Sanchez, dammit! He’s got work to do.
From the Wikipedia: Bacon
I don’t believe this requires an introduction during Awesomestock. I apologize in advance to all those who avoid pork for religious reasons. From the Wikipedia: Bacon.
The Wikipedia defines bacon as “a cured meat prepared from a pig.” The USDA defines bacon as “the cured belly of swine carcass.” I define bacon as completely and ineffably amazing.
The Wikipedia insists that there are many meat products that can be legitimately deemed bacon, because the Wikipedia has its head up its ass, presumably because it’s delirious from so much pork. Bacon should be made from the belly or in rare instances the jowl of the hog. Anything else masquerading as bacon — looking at you, turkey bacon — is b.s. It might still be good but it’s not bacon. On this I am resolute.
Elsewhere, the bacon we’re familiar with here in the States is called “fatty bacon” or “American-style bacon.” Damn straight. U! S! A!
The word “bacon” comes from the Old High German word “bacho,” meaning buttock, likely because eating a lot of bacon will give you a large one. Worth it.
Bacon is often prepared with saltpeter, which I’m guessing helps give it explosive flavor. Saltpeter is also found in fireworks, meaning it is an important element of two of humanity’s greatest products. Clearly potassium nitrate is the world’s most important and best chemical compound. When the time comes, I may name my first born Saltpeter. Saltpeter Berg. That kid is delicious dynamite.
In the early days of the United States, curing bacon was one of the few cooking processes known to be gender-neutral, because bacon is for everyone. I never watched enough Little House on the Prairie to find out, but I assume Michael Landon and Laura Ingalls Wilder forged their tight familial bond over the sweet smell of hickory-smoking pork.
Did you know that Canadians don’t just call Canadian bacon “bacon” as I always surmised? Apparently they call it “back bacon” and call regular bacon “bacon.” Good work, Canada. For so long I thought you were trying to pass off something that is clearly ham as bacon, but it turns out that’s just something we blame you for, like curling and Celine Dion.
Bacon has been an important part of American food culture since Colonial days. A 1708 poem by Ebenezer Cooke complains about too many things being bacon-flavored, a massive and embarrassing lapse in judgment that likely explains why no one has ever heard of Ebenezer Cooke.
Guess what, Ebenezer Cooke: The only thing I know you’ve written I staunchly disagree with. Your entire legacy is foolishness. Never, ever doubt bacon. There’s no such thing as too much bacon, only too many weenie 18th-century poets who can’t handle awesome meat. It’s a damn shame Nat Bacon died of dysentery before he could whip some sense into you. If the two of you co-existed for more time, maybe Nat Bacon would have set his sights on more noble pursuits instead of just being a tremendous jackass. Mmm, Nat Bacon.
More recently, this nation has been swept by something the Wikipedia calls “Bacon Mania,” a fervent drive toward reason in an often irrational world and a trend so widespread and excellent that it earned its very own Wikipedia page. Bacon Mania is alternate attributed to both patriotism and rebellion.
“Loving bacon is like shoving a middle finger in the face of all that is healthy and holy while an unfiltered cigarette smolders between your lips,” writes Sarah Hepola. She’s wrong, though. Loving bacon is just loving bacon, which needs no rationale. And don’t smoke before you eat bacon, as it will just dull the delicious bacon flavor.
Thanks in part to Bacon Mania, there are now tons of available consumer products centered on bacon, like bacon hot sauce, bacon peanut brittle and bacon vodka.This makes sense because just about everything is better with bacon. For a long time I thought peanut butter and bacon sandwiches wouldn’t be good even though I love peanut butter, bacon and sandwiches. They’re delicious though. I never should have doubted you, bacon.
One time one of my friends tried to one-up me at dinner by ordering cake with a side of bacon for dessert, then draping the cake with bacon before he ate it. The joke was on him though because it turned out Cake n’ Bacon is amazing, and he let me eat a bunch of it.
Sometimes fads are stupid, sometimes they’re meaningless, sometimes they’re f@#$ing unbelievable. Maybe Bacon Mania is a passing fancy, but I will surf this wave until it crashes, then keep loving bacon after all its fairweather fans have moved on. Consider me a Bacon Maniac for life.
Baseball Show with Nelson Figueroa
OK, so on the surface level Nelson Figueroa doesn’t necessarily fit with today’s theme. But I’ve talked with Figueroa a few times now, and he’s a pretty awesome dude to chat up about baseball. Plus he says in this interview that he’s read Moneyball and thinks about going into an MLB front office when he’s done. So maybe Nelson Figueroa will be responsible for a whole lot of awesome yet to come:
Also awesome: Ubaldo Jimenez
Before the season, I told Scott and Ted at Rockiescast (hey, look! It’s TedQuarters Giants insider Dailey McDailey) that Ubaldo Jimenez was my “sleeper” choice to win the NL Cy Young Award. I’m not sure why I would deem him a sleeper coming off an excellent season and pitching in front of what looked to be one of the best offenses in the National League.
After shutting down the Diamondbacks for eight innings last night, the Rockies’ ace can now boast a 9-1 record with a 0.88 ERA. He has thrown at least six innings in each of his starts and averaged over seven innings per start. He has yet to allow more than two runs in any start.
Jimenez almost certainly won’t finish the season with a sub-1.00 ERA. That’s ridiculous. And there’s some reason to believe he has been a little bit lucky this season, pitching to only a .226 batting average in balls on play, well lower than his .286 career line. But batters don’t often get hits off Jimenez because they don’t often hit the ball hard: He has yielded only a 14.4 percent line-drive rate and induced 54 percent groundballs.
He does that by throwing exceptionally fast. Jimenez’s average fastball comes in at 96.8 miles an hour, the hardest in baseball and 1.2 MPH faster than the next closest guys. In the ninth inning of his no-hitter against the Braves last month, he was still throwing 98 MPH fastballs with sharp sink despite being about 120 pitches deep. He mixes in a great changeup and some breaking stuff to dominate big-league hitters.
Jimenez may not be the best pitcher in baseball, but he’s close. And thanks mostly to his insane velocity, he is undoubtedly among the most exciting to watch. Oh, and he’s only 26 years old.
It’s a great time for young pitching in the NL West. Jimenez, Tim Lincecum and Clayton Kershaw should combine for a slew of Cy Youngs by the time they’re through, and there’s a bunch of guys just a notch below. It makes for good baseball and something awesome to watch when the Mets have got you too upset or too excited to go to sleep.
As Jose Reyes goes…
I could probably write an entire post about SNY’s broadcast team for Awesomestock. I won’t because I don’t want to seem like an abject shill, plus I don’t know that there are many Mets fans who disagree with me. I watch a ton of out-of-town games through the absurdly amazing MLB Extra Innings package, and I can easily argue that no booth in baseball so ably balances detailing the intricacies of the game and conveying appropriate amounts of excitement without delving into pathetic homerism.
But Gary, Keith and Ron, awesome though they are, mentioned several times recently that the Mets win 80 percent of games in which Jose Reyes scores two or more runs. That’s a misleading stat. The Mets win 77 percent of games in which David Wright scores two or more runs and 85 percent of games in which Luis Castillo or Carlos Beltran scores two or more runs. Basically, once a player amasses a large enough sample of multiple-run games for his team, you should expect that the team won a huge percentage of them. For a variety of reasons, if one guy scores multiple runs it probably means the rest of his team scored a few more.
The reason I quibble with the stat and how frequently it is cited on the broadcast is simple: There’s no need to quantify what Jose Reyes means to the Mets beyond the obvious. The Mets, for the bulk of Reyes’ tenure with the club, have been a top-heavy offensive team fueled by the contributions of a few legitimately excellent players. Jose Reyes is one of those excellent players. He is part of what makes the team top-heavy. He’s a heavy near the top.
I overhead a couple of reporters talking about Reyes in Citi Field’s tunnels yesterday. I couldn’t make out all of their conversation, but what I heard sounded something like this:
“Robble robble Reyes robble robble about time.”
“Robble Spring Training robble robble two months already.”
“Robble robble excuse robble.”
That’s not to call out these two anonymous reporters or even the New York media for its frequent impatience with Reyes. If you surveyed all Mets fans to gauge general perception of their shortstop, I imagine the summary statement would read something like, “Jose Reyes robble robble robble!”
And there might be something about immaturity or injury or unrealized potential in there too, because we all love to believe we know Reyes from what little he divulges of himself during games and to the press, and because so many people forget he spent the four seasons before last year almost entirely healthy and the last three of them as one of the very best players in baseball.
Reyes has not been one of the very best players in baseball this season. He has a .238/.279/.324 line for the year, totals languishing in the Rey Ordonez realm.
But Reyes has put together four straight multi-hit games and five in his last six. He homered last night and ended the game with a leaping snag on a sinking liner.
And he torched that triple Tuesday, a slicing liner that stole past Jayson Werth and one-hopped the wall in Citi Field’s deepest cavern. Reyes bounded around the bases and slid headfirst into third ahead of the throw, and everyone watching remembered the way the Mets drew it up when they built the place.
Reyes looked like Reyes again, and then again last night. I could reasonably contend that missing Spring Training after missing most of 2009 slowed Reyes’ start in 2010, and that a month-long immersion program into full-fledged baseball is a whole lot different than working up to speed at the same time as everyone else back in March.
But I won’t bother, because this isn’t a day for figuring out why things go wrong. This is Awesomestock, a day for celebrating the awesome. And Jose Reyes is awesome. Celebrate him.
And I will call it Awesomestock
Last night I read over the last couple weeks’ worth of posts here and noticed two things:
First, I’ve fallen into a nasty habit of overusing commas. If, you’ve, noticed, well, my bad.
Second, I whine too much. I suppose that’s probably because so much of the writing on this site focuses on the Mets, and there has been plenty to complain about with regards to the team lately.
But with the Amazins coming off four straight neat wins over their biggest perceived and actual rivals, I’m not in the mood to whine today. Tomorrow I will get back to questioning the Mets’ logic on roster moves and doubting Jerry Manuel’s ability to manage a bullpen. Today is for awesome stuff.
So here starts the first-ever TedQuarters Awesomestock, a day for appreciating excellent things and ignoring — ever so briefly — all the fretful ones.
Mark Sanchez chooses the most predictable, cliched karaoke song of all time, nails it
Apparently, NY Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez has an off-season regimen that includes Bon Jovi songs and late nights with Lance Bass.
Bass and Sanchez hooked up for a karaoke duet at the Canal Room in NYC this past weekend.
The two busted out a version of “Livin’ on a Prayer” — and we’re told it was actually pretty good.
– TMZ.com.
There’s a photo in the TMZ post, for any disbelievers. It looks exactly what you’d think it would look like when Mark Sanchez and Lance Bass sing karaoke together.
Someone needs to school the young quarterback in karaoke music choices. Somehow, and given ‘N SYNC’s music I don’t know why this is, I actually would have assumed Lance Bass had better taste than that. I’ll hold out hope that they were doing it ironically, like even moreso than how most karaoke is performed ironically.
Sanchize: Next time, choose Wham’s “Careless Whisper.” Trust me, it’s surprisingly easy to sing, and inarguably hilarious. Guilty feet have got no rhythm.
What Hideki Irabu’s mugshot looks like
In case you missed it, Hideki Irabu’s reign of terror continued yesterday. Here’s the mugshot, from the AP wire:
A guy I knew in college started a t-shirt “company” called “Visions of Glory.” All his t-shirts featured a celebrity mugshot. That’s it.
There are some classics out there that made for funny t-shirts. Obviously Nick Nolte was the guy’s most popular seller, but I remember chuckling pretty hard the first time some kid strolled into one of my classrooms with this shot emblazoned on his chest.
Irabu’s mugshot is a subtler brand, but I love it regardless. So unashamed and nonchalant. This is the mugshot of a dude who has posed for mugshots before. Hideki Irabu’s just like, “yeah, here I am. Please take the picture so I can get back to whatever the hell it is I do when I’m not drunk and causing trouble or, failing that, get back to getting drunk and causing trouble.”
Tedquarters 