Yankees on fire, and not in the good way

I started putting together a post aggregating as many newspaper and blog articles as I could find asserting that Nick Swisher is mentally weak or buckling under pressure or unclutch or a baby for daring to be honest with the press and admit he doesn’t like being booed by his home fans after providing them four years’ worth of admirable-to-very-good production in regular seasons, but there were hundreds of them and I got bored with it. Many of them sounded like they came straight from the mouths of fifth-grade bullies, too, and didn’t seem worthy of the link.

Again: We criticize ballplayers when they give boring, cliched answers to post-game questions, then on the rare occasion they don’t, we spin ’em around and throw them back in their faces. It’s… well, it’s ironic or something. Swisher’s a divisive character, and until this week I can’t say I ever cared for the guy’s brostentatious behavior, but he’s both a human being and a pretty good baseball player and I find it hard to fault him for preferring not to be jeered by them that showed up Sunday.

Next — after some morning meetings — I started parsing through all the ridiculously small samples being used to argue for the benching of good Yankees in favor of less-good Yankees in all those same newspapers and blogs. There are tons of those too, many of them still somehow replete with contempt for the binder of information with which Joe Girardi sometimes makes decisions. Some of them contradict themselves, too, citing Raul Ibanez’s postseason stats where convenient and ignoring his 3-for-29 career line against Justing Verlander while simultaneously pointing to Eric Chavez’s 9-for-25 as evidence that he’s money against the best pitcher in the world.

But you know the song by now, and that’s really all there is to say about any of it. Nearly every postseason line — even Carlos Beltran’s, as much as it hurts me to say — exists in a tiny sample. Derek Jeter, for playing a 16-year career with the Yankees, has about a full season’s worth of postseason experience across which he has performed about exactly as you’d expect him to. He has nearly 200 more postseason plate appearances than any other player in history, and more than twice as many as any other active player.

So I’m left with the last and silliest bit of Yankee news this morning: Alex Rodriguez took time out from his struggles this October to solicit phone numbers from a pair of attractive women sitting behind the Yankees’ dugout on Sunday night. This, naturally, produced many LOLs because A-Rod LOL. If Jeter did it, swoon. Alternately: If Jeter did it, it would never be reported. Alternately, Jeter would never do it because TRUE F-ING YANKEE.

I don’t know why everyone’s just assuming those attractive blondes don’t know about Bill James’ research suggesting consistent clutch-hitting ability to be a myth, and that they weren’t singing the small-sample-size song to comfort A-Rod through his slump.

Also, not for nothing: It’s not like Justin Verlander has never lost and the Yankees have never hit. Sure, he is great and they have recently been pretty awful offensively, but they were among the best offensive teams in baseball this year. Remember?

The playoffs make us something something.

Kate Upton likes guys who enjoy Taco Bell

The website Celebuzz spoke to two of Kate Upton’s relatives to confirm that the ubiquitous model is dating utterly awesome pitcher Justin Verlander.

If you follow Mark Sanchez’s dating life as closely as some of us do, you may recall that the Jets’ handsomest young quarterback was also once romantically linked to Ms. Upton.

So what does Kate Upton look for in a man? Well, I can only think of one common bond between Mark Sanchez and Justin Verlander: They both love Taco Bell.

Somewhere, Oliver Miller eagerly applies cologne.

Sandwiches of the Week

Why two sandwiches? YOU’LL SEE!

The sandwiches: Pimento Cheeseburger from Untitled, inside the Whitney Museum on Madison Avenue and 75th St. in Manhattan and the Cheddar Brat Burger, a limited-run menu item from Shake Shack. I got mine at the Upper East Side location on 86th and Lexington.

The construction: The Pimento Cheeseburger is a burger with pimento cheese spread on toasted pumpernickel bread. The Cheddar Brat Burger is a burger topped with a split, grilled cheddar bratwurst, crispy shallots and Shack Sauce.

Important background information: The burgers are linked here because Untitled, like Shake Shack, falls under the increasingly vast umbrella of restauranteur Danny Meyer’s empire.

Typically I see sandwiches as the product of a collective rather than an individual: Though we tend to credit the chef, it seems exceedingly unlikely that any sandwich I’ve eaten has ever been created from start to finish by any one human. Maybe in some cases it was constructed by the same guy that conceived it, but how often did he also bake the bread, cure the meat, cheddar the cheese and bacon the aioli?

Still, the original Shackburger is so good that if Meyer, upon its completion, took one bite, stepped away, threw his hands up in the air and bowed out of the burger game forever as he watched the lines mounting, I might very well found a cult in his honor. Due to their profusion you can now occasionally be saddled with a subpar Shackburger, but they are, in general, the perfect fast-food cheeseburger: juicy meat, soft bun, crispy lettuce, sweet tomato, creamy sauce. If Meyer left it there and asked that his name never be associated with another cheeseburger, he would at the very least take on the folk-hero status of a Harper Lee, that rare artist with the capacity to create something wonderful and remain content with its success.

What they look like (after Instagramming):

How they taste: Good, but inessential.

Let’s start with the Pimento Cheeseburger: I ordered mine rare, which was probably my mistake. Every place has its own definition of rare, so while I think I technically like my burgers toward the rare side of medium-rare, I usually order rare as code for “as rare as you’ll let me have it” — i.e. decidedly pink on the inside but still cooked through and firm. This felt more like truly rare meat, which has some certain Ron Swanson appeal but can be a little unnerving when you’re not prepared for it. That’s on me, though, so I can’t dock them points for it.

The meat wasn’t particularly notable, though. It seemed like good meat and so it was delicious, but it wasn’t especially juicy or flavorful by burger standards. The pimento cheese spread was by far the best innovation here — creamy and salty, it helped bind the burger to the bread and served a dual role as cheese and condiment. I don’t know why we needed to consolidate our toppings like that, but if you’re ever in some situation wherein someone limits you to either a cheese or a spread on a burger, consider spreadable cheese. I should note that I needed to do some redistributing here myself; as you might notice above, the bulk of the pimento cheese was on the part of the pumpernickel that contained no burger.

About that: I’m not clear on why this burger came on toasted pumpernickel. It seems like it might be for the same of Untitled’s classic coffee-shop motif, but this blog does not endorse sacrificing sandwich integrity on behalf of aesthetic uniformity. The bread was not only too large for the burger, but toasted crunchy enough to make the whole thing a bit of a chore to eat, a quality not quite mitigated by fine pumpernickel flavor. The New York Times called this “a new classic sandwich,” but to me it felt more like a forced conglomeration of discordant elements.

Still good, mind you, as it was still a cheeseburger.

The Cheddar Brat Burger was way more a sausage sandwich than it was a cheeseburger, which is to say that it was delicious but that the inclusion of the burger felt a little bit unnecessary — as much as that pains me to say. Split grilled, the sausage boasted no shortage of surface-area snap, and the crispy shallots were a revelation. They were crunchy enough to hold up under the grease of the burger and sausage and Shack sauce, plus the ketchup and mustard I added. And they added a pleasant but not overpowering flavor, to boot.

Still, I think the best bites of the Cheddar Brat Burger came not when all ingredients were consumed in conjunction but toward the end of the sandwich, when the brat had subsided and I finally got to taste that juicy, meaty Shackburger with a couple of the fried shallots left on top. That doesn’t speak well of the addition of the bratwurst. No disrespect to bratwurst.

Another Doritoed taco, that is to say.

What they’re worth: The Pimento Cheeseburger was $15. The Cheddar Brat Burger was $7.50.

How they rate: 65 for the Pimento Cheeseburger, 80 for the Cheddar Brat Burger. The O.G. Shackburger reigns supreme.

Nobody wants to bro it down with Nick Swisher

It hurts. Sometimes I’m a sensitive guy. Some of the things people say, they get under your skin a little bit but hey, I’ve been lucky to be here for the last four years, and we’re not going to go out like this. I’m one of those guys that you give me a hug and I’ll run through a brick wall for you. Right now it seems like there’s a lot of … I’m trying to find a way to word this the right way, it’s tough. It’s really tough. Because you want to go out there and you want to play for your city, you want to play for your team. Just right now, it’s just really tough.

Nick Swisher.

Oof, poor Nick Swisher. Can someone just pull this guy in for a hearty bro-hug to lift his spirits a bit? Maybe a Red Bull and vodka?

Seriously, though, it does suck that baseball players are expected to speak to the media after every game, but heaven forbid they open up and share their feelings when they’re emotional instead of filling the paper with platitudes, they get crushed by fans and media alike for being spoiled babies or unclutch or not True Yankees or whatever.

Look at the comments on that article. Not a single Yankee fan defends Swisher, who has spent the last four years of his career playing at least 148 games a season and posting a 120 OPS+ for the Bombers. I get that he’s well-compensated for it and that boos come with the territory. But so does he, apparently, and that doesn’t mean they don’t sting when they ring down from the rafters.

Jets seek maximum heartbreak, reel us back in

I don’t have to explain why the Jets’ passing game looks a hell of a lot more efficient on the same day they run for 252 yards, right? The Jets’ offensive line looked as good as they have all season, manhandling a Colts front featuring a hobbled Dwight Freeney and missing Robert Mathis.

Gang Green’s defense looked great, too. Antonio Cromartie’s interception and a few key stops early helped the offense put up 21 points in the second quarter, and the Colts couldn’t do much once they had to force it. Kudos the to the Revis-less Jets secondary for keeping up with the Indianapolis receivers, penalties notwithstanding.

A good game for Shonn Greene to quiet his doubters (this one included), though I suspect he’s hardly the only NFL running back who would put up huge numbers running through the holes he had. Someone buy Nick Mangold a steak dinner.

Spoken like a former center, I know.

Travis Snider live-tweets a sandwich adventure

Beyond having made arguably the best catch in Citi Field’s short history, Pirates outfielder Travis Snider frequently tweets his meals under the awesome handle @lunchboxhero45.

I’m not sure how I missed this, but Snider recently live-tweeted a trip to Primanti Brothers, the Pittsburgh-area sandwich establishment famous for piling french fries and cole slaw on their sandwiches. NotGraphs has the full story.

Aside from how much I appreciate Major League Baseball players sharing their awesome sandwich adventures with fans, Snider’s experience gives us all something to strive for. He presents his trip to the Pittsburgh landmark, if a bit tongue-in-cheekily, as a means of thanking Pirates fans for their support in his first season with the club. And it sort of rings true: What better way to show a city your gratitude than by dining with its people at one of its most popular local haunts?

There are probably a bunch of better ways, but still, what a life goal: To someday be so famous and appreciated that eating a sandwich someplace represents a legitimate gesture of acknowledgement for all that city gave you. “You’ve been a fine host, New Orleans, so I will eat this po’ boy in appreciation.”

Friday Q&A, pt. 2: The randos

https://twitter.com/LisaAnnNg/status/256756661333671936

I would be a man in a solid gold suit with diamond buttons. I’m allowed to keep this stuff, right?

Since that doesn’t seem in the spirit of the question, I think I’d want to go with something incredibly elaborate and not really all that funny outside of the context of showing up to some Halloween party. Like what if you were at some friend’s Halloween party, and there’s one guy dressed as Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover, one guy with a fake goatee saying he’s his own evil twin, a couple dressed as Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, and a girl dressed as a sexy chicken or whatever, and then there’s just one dude in a full-blown, cinema-quality Predator costume?

And you might think it’d funniest if you stayed in character as the Predator the whole night, and maybe camouflage yourself against the keg and shoot the Bieber guy’s arm off. But I think the best way to play it would actually be to act like nothing’s up, not really explain why you have such an extensive Predator costume and behave like any old bro at the Halloween party. I’m envisioning a Predator playing flip-cup.

https://twitter.com/Devon2012/status/256754907749703680

Well, the best season entirely depends on your station in life. As long as you’re still going to school, summer is by far the best season because it’s the one in which they don’t make you go to school. Once you’re not in school, summer’s really only good because of baseball and practically everything else about it kind of sucks. There’s a bunch of stuff to do, but it’s usually too hot to want to do anything. And you still feel obligated to do the stuff because that mindset of summer-is-when-you-do-fun-stuff has been programmed into you since childhood, so even if you want to just sit at home and watch baseball in the air conditioning, you look out the window and you say, “oh, sunny summer day,” and feel like a schmo for not doing anything. Then you go outside and you’re already so sweaty that it’s embarrassing to be outside. Oh, and the air conditioning’s really expensive.

The winter is also better when you’re a kid than when you’re an adult. When it snows and you’re a kid, sometimes they don’t make you go to school. And you were planning on going to school that day, so when you find out you’re off it’s a bonus-time scenario*. (And I actually liked going to school, for what it’s worth.) When you’re an adult and it snows, you’ve got to deal with it, and that’s a huge pain in the ass. Alternately, you could opt to live in a city and not deal with it, but that means negotiating disgusting city slush for several days.

Fall is cool because it has this time when football and baseball overlap. But since fall technically includes early December and early December can sometimes suck most of all, I’m going with spring on this one. There’s the promise of baseball, then baseball, and it’s before baseball has destroyed you for the year. The weather’s bearable and you’re psyched to be outside because you’ve just been all holed up for the winter. And there’s, you know, flowers and stuff. It’s poetic.

*- “Bonus time” was a concept frequently discussed among my roommates in college when we were justifying our laziness. Essentially, if you’ve got something scheduled (class, most likely) and that thing is canceled, you are not obligated to do anything productive in the time that thing was supposed to occupy even if you are busy. It’s bonus time. You didn’t expect to have this time in the first place, so why not watch Ghostbusters again?

Unfortunately, bonus time doesn’t really work out so well in real life when there’s never an end of the semester pending.

https://twitter.com/metschick/status/256754560243220480

It’s the pork bomb, almost by default. While I eat a lot of sandwiches in the pursuit of sandwiches worthy of review, this has been a pretty busy week of watching playoff baseball that kept me mostly eating at home. And my typical workday lunch is a combination of two Boar’s Head deli meats and a cheese on whole-wheat bread, which gets the job done but is hardly notable. Often the selection is dictated by what’s on sale at Fairway. This week I had Ovengold Turkey, Chipotle Chicken and Vermont Cheddar. This is all fascinating stuff, I know.

I would like to take this opportunity, though, to note that my rather pedestrian-sounding lunchpail sandwiches have been improved lately by the continued inclusion of Silver Spring mustards. The most recent addition to my mustard arsenal is their Peppadew Mustard, a sweet and spicy condiment based on a trademarked South African variety of pepper that was only discovered in 1993. I haven’t had the peppadew on its own, but its mustard offspring is delicious.

Also, I had a very good chicken tikka wrap at a contemporary Indian takeout place on 28th and Lexington — “Curry Hill,” as it’s cleverly known. If you count that as a sandwich, it was probably that.

Things I ate this week!

https://twitter.com/tomthirtysix/status/256754949642412032

Wait, Freeport, N.Y.? Where!? I’m really letting the Long Island South Shore Taco Bell scene slip away from me. Sad.

But yeah, there are Taco Bells in strip malls — there’s one in Queens I’ve wound up at a couple of times after I got lost trying to avoid traffic. They’re not as good as Taco Bells with drive-thrus, obviously, because who wants to stand up?

Friday Q&A, pt. 1: Baseball stuff

https://twitter.com/jenconnic/status/256755203183874048

I have some terrible news for you, Jen: The world’s going to end regardless of whether the Mets sign Dickey and Wright. Scientists believe that in about five billion years, our sun will explode into a red giant roughly 250 times its current radius. Briefly, experts thought there was hope that Earth’s orbit would widen enough during the transition to avoid a fiery death, but the current thinking says that a “tidal bulge” caused by the Earth’s own gravitational pull will drag it into the swelling star. Sorry, I know that’s a bummer but the upside is we’ll all be long dead by then.

https://twitter.com/arrabin56/status/256755516552933376

Hmm. Are we considering contract statuses? I’d probably work like hell to extend David Wright’s deal and then protect him if I could. After Wright, it’d be Ruben Tejada, Ike Davis, Jon Niese and Matt Harvey. If I couldn’t get something completed with Wright in time for the draft, I guess I’d cross my fingers and hope an expansion team wouldn’t want to draft a player only under its control for one more season and add Zack Wheeler to the list.

https://twitter.com/Ceetar/status/256756581692211201

Oh man, how great are condiments? I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before, but I had some stomach issues when I was living at home after college and my mom’s friend recommended some new-age feel-good book about how to deal with them. But it turned out the whole book was just this lady lecturing me with her opinions about why everything delicious is bad without providing evidence. And, look: I know Taco Bell is not optimal if you’re having stomach issues, so spare me that. But that’s hardly something you need a book to figure out.

Anyway, I put the book down for good when she started a chapter with, “Americans use too many condiments.” What does that even mean? Do Asians not use too much hoisin and soy sauce and sriracha? Do Europeans not slather their french fries in mayo? Americans use just enough condiments, lady, and if that’s barbecue sauce eating away the lining of my stomach then so be it.

Oh, to answer your question: It’s Sriracha. They already have Cholula, I know, and anyone familiar with the old background photo on TedQuarters knows I go through a lot of Cholula. But I’m hardly a one hot-sauce man, and the prospect of a giant tub of Sriracha with a tap attached has me salivating here in the office. (Note: Cholula is an SNY sponsor, but the Cholula bottles on my desk long pre-dated the sponsorship.)

https://twitter.com/OddMetsJerk/status/256757968060694529

I have no idea, but I wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth or trying to figure out what exactly a gift horse is and why it has its mouth open. I scooped up a few and I’m heading out there with some Orioles-fan friends this afternoon. People: Did you even watch last night’s game? A 1-1 tie through 12 innings in a playoff game? That’s awesome baseball no matter what team you favor. If you have the means and can slip out of work early, I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t head to the stadium tonight. Get on it, though; tickets are already up to $25.

Also, I’ve found it can be great fun to go to a Yankee game and carry on like the worst type of Yankee fan. Boo A-Rod and go absolutely crazy every time Derek Jeter does anything. If you’re subtle enough, no one will even know you’re doing it ironically.

Raul Ibanez adds True Yankee plaque to mantel full of Tom Morello lookalike contest trophies

Years ago, one particularly incessant SNY.tv reader used to email me practically every time a player whose inclusion on the Mets’ roster I railed against did anything positive on a baseball field. If Marlon Anderson slapped a ground-ball single up the middle, seconds later I’d find in my inbox a subject-free message from this guy asking only, “What do you think of Marlon Anderson NOW!?” Stuff like that. Shawn Green makes a sliding catch, I get an email. Robinson Cancel somehow reaches first base safely, email. All the time. It was endlessly frustrating, but still somehow entertaining.

He gave it up around the time I started this blog; I suspect he just never joined me in the venture over from the network’s proper website, but I hope for his sake he found something more productive to do with his time. Maybe he fell in love. I don’t know. I kind of miss him.

Still, in the bottom of ninth inning of last night’s Yankees-Orioles tilt, when Raul Ibanez — a player frequently linked to the Mets during Omar Minaya’s hapless, years-long quest for capable corner outfielders and an option I frequently denounced — homered to tie the game while pinch-hitting for Alex Rodriguez against Baltimore closer Jim Johnson, I immediately checked my email to see if it was enough to prompt a comeback. I did so again after Ibanez hit a walk-off homer on the first pitch of the bottom of the 12th. No dice.

There are plenty of reminders of Ibanez’s unlikely heroics on the Internet and in the local newspapers this morning. Many of them — especially in the tabloids — focus on his production in A-Rod’s absence.

But despite the outcome, and leaving aside Rodriguez’s mostly baseless reputation for postseason struggles, Joe Girardi’s decision to pinch-hit Ibanez for Rodriguez against a right-hander with the game on the line should hardly seem indefensible.

Rodriguez is one of the greatest hitters in baseball history, but Joe Girardi had to manage to win the game in a short postseason series. And Rodriguez, for as dominant a hitter as he was in his prime, has not been immune to the effects of aging. After posting a stellar 153 park- and league-adjusted OPS+ over a ten-season run from 2000 to 2009, A-Rod has sported an only pretty-good 118 number in the same stat since the start of the 2010 season as nagging injuries began to take their toll on his offense.

This season, Rodriguez especially struggled against right-handers, sporting only a .256/.326/.391 line for the season. Since Ibanez posted .248/.319/.492 marks in the same split and the Yankees’ next four hitters all batted left-handed or from both sides of the plate, Girardi had pretty strong justification for the substitution beyond Rodriguez’s reputation for October choke-jobs. Maybe it was even in the much-reviled binder somewhere.

That’s what seems too often lost in discussions of whether the Yankees should drop Rodriguez from his third spot in the batting order this postseason (beyond, of course, research showing that the effects of batting order are wildly overrated): He’s not their best hitter anymore. Robinson Cano, Nick Swisher, Derek Jeter, Curtis Granderson, and Mark Teixeira all outperformed A-Rod at the plate this season. Certainly Rodriguez should earn some benefit of the doubt for the 647 home runs on his resume, but time could hardly care less, and seems more bent on debilitating A-Rod than it is Jeter or Ibanez.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out for the next five years of Rodriguez’s contract.

The greatest trick Mark Sanchez ever pulled was convincing the world he can’t complete a 20-yard out

Before New York’s 23-17 loss to the Houston Texans in Week 5, backup quarterback Tim Tebow tweeted, “Looking forward to giving God all the glory in tonight’s 666th Monday Night Football game. Romans 8:37-39.”

With the No. 6 jersey on his back, starter Mark Sanchez connected on 14 of 31 passes, had one touchdown and two interceptions.

File this under “You can’t make it up”: Sanchez’s line means — drumroll please — on the season, he now has a 66.6 passer rating, 6.6 yards per attempt, six touchdowns, six interceptions, and his longest completion of the season was good for 66 yards.

CBS New York.

And — as I pointed out when Josh noted the same series of stats in the comments section yesterday — don’t forget that Sanchez is devilishly handsome.

I’d love to dismiss this as a series of coincidences with a joke about how Tebow’s secretary is named Sanchez and Sanchez’s secretary is named Tebow, and obviously I do think it’s a series of coincidences and I don’t think Mark Sanchez is actually Damien from the Omen or anything. But it’s a pretty amazing series of coincidences.

Or maybe — maybe! — Mark Sanchez is unbelievably good at football and he’s just trolling Tim Tebow something fierce, Dawson in Varsity Blues style.